#anyway i’m totally normal about football

[heartbreakgoretzka]

most days i don’t even remember him anymore but then i see alaba on the pitch and suddenly i feel like a widow still processing grief

[lovebugism]

hi!! could you write shy!reader where Eddie bumps into the new kid at school and she gets hurt? I’m a sucker when it comes to Eddie doting on people 🙈

i tried to be so normal about this request but then proceeded to write 2k words for it so... hope you like it lol :D — the hawkins high freak takes the new girl under his wing after they run into each other. literally. (shy!r, meet ugly-ish, hurt/comfort, 2.2k)

You clutch a paper schedule in a pair of anxious hands, squinting to see through the scribbles there. Three boys in bright green lettermans made a total mess of it — writing directions in chicken scratch and doodling a sloppy map of the school over your classes. They said they were helping you, but really they’ve just turned you all around.

Fallen leaves crunchbeneath your feet as you walk past the vacant football field. West of the bleachers and down the dirt trail, the stranger with a harsh jawline and quaffed blonde hair told you. His directions lead you directly to a half-decrepit building in the thick of the woods. A strange spot for a biology lab.

You’re trying to make sense of the scrawled notes on your syllabus — eyes narrowed, and chin tilted downward — when you run into something tall and firm. You don’t hit the warm body hard enough to fall, but stumble back in fear enough to slip on the dewy grass. Like a cartoon character and a banana peel, you land comically on your ass.

“Shit. Sorry,” the towering stranger grimaces. “Didn’t see you there.”

Your wrists start to sting, burdened with the weight of catching your fall. “It’s okay…” you tell him anyway. ‘Cause everything’s always okay. Even when it isn’t. 

A ringed hand enters your vision then — lanky, pale, and tattooed. “Here. Let me help you up.”

“It’s okay,” you dismiss with a shake of your head. “I got it.”

Your jaw clenches tight as you rise on your feet. The slippery mud threatens to pull you down again. Your wrists throb with a dull and distant ache. You stand, despite all that, before the stranger you’d stumbled into the back of. 

Eddie watches you wipe your dirt-covered palms together with a lopsided smile tugging at his mouth. He doesn’t have a clue who you are, but he’s getting a few ideas now. You’re a strong, stubborn, and shy little thing. Pretty, too. 

“I didn’t hurt you, did I?” he cautions with his palms spread awkwardly in front of him. He wants to make sure you’re alright, but he doesn’t want to make you uncomfortable. Strong, stubborn, shy, and definitely skittish, he thinks to himself.

You shake your head again, finally glancing at the boy looming before you. His curls are dark and untamed, billowing in the early spring breeze. His deep chocolate eyes match the color of the frizzy strands — both equally as wild as the smile he looks at you with.

Your breath catches suddenly in your throat. You hadn’t expected to bump into him, of course, but you expected even less for him to be so pretty.

“I’m—”

“Don’t say okay,” he interjects before you can start. His plush lips quirk in a genuine smile a second later, to show he’s only joking.

You swallow hard, still hopelessly trying to rid the mud from your aching palms. “I’m… I’m— I’m fine.”

The boy scoffs a faint laugh. “Here. Let me see.”

He takes your wrists in his hands before you can protest. His fingers are long, gentle, and strangely warm as he brushes the mud off your scrapped skin — hardly flinching when it dirties his own. 

He wipes his palms on his jeans after, never minding how it stains the denim. Then he reaches a leather-clad arm behind you and plucks a leaf gently from your hair. He flicks it to the ground again.

“There,” he grins. “Good as new.”

“Thanks…” you sigh, voice wavering from a reason you can’t name.

“Why haven’t I seen you around before?”

“‘Cause I’m… I’m new.”

“Explains why you’re all the way out here,” he jokes. Most people only come around this side of the football field to buy weed off him, and you don’t exactly seem like the type. His chocolate eyes narrow. “You lost?”

You shift on your feet, feeling suddenly very silly about the whole thing. You’ve got to be a special kind of stupid to take advice from a bunch of jocks and hardly bat an eye when they lead you in the exact opposite direction. You’re too trusting for your own good. It’s embarrassing.

“I was, uh— I was just trying to follow this map, but…” you wave the paper in your clammy hand. “I think it just made me more lost.”

Eddie reaches out a ringed hand and takes the schedule from you when you hand it over. His face scrunches softly together as he squints at the sloppy scribbles. You can’t tell if he’s confused or if he needs glasses. Maybe both.

He can hardly make sense of the directions. And the map was designed in a very obvious attempt to confuse you — the sweet, shy girl who’s never stepped foot here before. Something redhot simmers in his chest ‘cause he can’t imagine doing this to someone. Finding someone who obviously needs help and doing them over for a couple measly laughs.

It’s got Jason Carver and the Dick Brigade written all over it. Literally.

“Who gave this to you?” he asks anyway, just to be sure.

You blink up at him with a pair of doe eyes, gaze glimmering with innocence. “Um… A couple of basketball players, I think. They were wearing lettermans, so…”

“Fucking Carver,” the boy grumbles under his breath.

“What?”

“Nothing…” he sighs. “Here. C’mon. Let’s go.” 

“Where— Where are we…” you mutter in a mousy voice, trailing off when he stomps past you. You get a faint whiff of floral shampoo and woodsy cologne as he goes. Less inclined to stay alone in the unfamiliar forest, you decide to follow behind him. “O-Okay…”

You fight to keep up with his considerably longer strides as the stranger leads you back towards the school. His dark eyes flit over your schedule, squinting to see past the messy lettering covering the typeface. 

“No point in making it to your third period,” he announces suddenly, swinging the heavy metal door open with a ringed hand. The rusted hinges squeak in protest when he holds it open for you with his foot. You slide in past him. He walks on ahead of you again, letting the thing slam shut behind him.

“Why?” you ask the back of him, voice wavering.

“‘Cause you’re already fifteen minutes late. And take it from me— Mr. Kaminsky hates when people are late,” Eddie tells you, flashing you a stern look over his shoulder. “Trust me. I learned that the hard way.”

Your brows pinch as your face swirls with a distant panic. You couldn’t conceal your worry if you tried. The gravity of it all hits you, then — the fact that you’re following a stranger you ran into (in the most literal sense of the phrase), who’d previously been half-hidden away in the forest behind the school.

It’s all a bit odd when you think about it. This. Him. You. 

But this strange boy, dripping in silver and all black, is the very first person to show you an ounce of kindness all day. You don’t know why you’re following him so blindly — only that you don’t mind it as much as you should.

“Okay. So. Uh… Where are we— Where are we going, then?” you squeak behind him.

“Right here,” he answers, stopping short in the middle of the hallway. 

Still a few paces back, you don’t hopelessly bump into the back of him like you did before. You watch with wide and curious eyes as he wraps a pale hand around a rusted door knob. The heavy wooden entrance squeals when he opens it.

“Welcome to my humble abode,” the boy jokes with a crooked grin. Everything about the pink expression glitters with mischief. He flicks on the light switch, letting the flourescent lights buzz on in protest. “Well, not abode— I don’t live here, but… You get it.”

The room smells overwhelmingly teenage boy. A mixture of cologne, sweet soda, and sweat. Most of the chairs have been stacked on top of each other and pushed to the edge of the room to make space for the long wooden table in the center. Binders, notebooks, and miscellaneous figurines sit scattered on a gameboard.

“Is that D&D?” you wonder quietly.

Eddie lights up at the question. “You play?” he asks as he saunters to the desk shoved in the very back corner of the room.

His excitement makes you regret your answer. 

“No…” you waver, then quickly follow. “But I’ve— I’ve heard about it.”

“I’m president of the Hellfire club,” he tells you, nodding to the poster on the wall. The demon in the center of it isn’t nearly as intimidating when you can tell it’s handmade. “You should join.”

The boy eyes you expectantly as he rounds the metal desk. You shift your weight on your feet and wring your clammy hands together. He tilts his chin to his chest and peers at you from underneath his lashes. “Think about it?” he presses.

You nod once. “Sure.”

He ducks down then, out of view behind the bulky desk. You stand awkwardly in place while the boy rummages through the drawers. “Ah, here we go…” you hear him murmur after a few moments — followed by a dull thud when he bangs his head. “Shit!” he swears under his breath before rising to his feet again.

You hide your smile behind your scrapped palm as he walks back over to you. His cheeks glow faintly pink as he rubs the crown of his head with his hand — the one not clutching a first-aid kit. “Here. Shit down. Let me look at your hands,” he urges, still worried about you despite his throbbing skull.

You shake your head rapidly in response. You’re not used to being doted on like this — or at all, really — but especially not from a metalhead, wild-haired, pretty-faced stranger. “No. I’m— I’m okay.”

His chocolate eyes go wide and softly stern. They glimmer playfully down at you as his brows raise behind his fluffy bangs. “What we’d just talk about?” he teases.

You swallow down the rest of your protests. “Right…”

You sit in the chair adjacent to the one at the head of the table. The cheap plastic is a stark contrast to the heavy wooden throne the stranger descends upon — with a sort of ease that tells you he sits there often.

He digs into the opened first-aid kit and pulls out a bandaid for you. He fumbles with the packaging for a moment before ripping it open with his teeth. 

“It’s okay not to be okay, you know?” he tells you, mostly muffled until he spits out the paper in his mouth. It lands on the floor at his feet, but he doesn’t seem inclined to pick it up. “Tell me I’m a shithead who needs to watch where he’s going. I know that’s what you’re thinking.”

Your face screws in offense. “I wasn’t—”

“I’m teasing,” he interjects softly, peering at you with a pair of button eyes. “Even though I am a shithead who needs to watch where he’s going.” He takes your palm between his warm and gently calloused ones. He smooths the large bandage over the raging scrape below your thumb with an impossibly delicate touch. “I’m sorry about that, by the way. Again.”

“It was my fault,” you murmur, gaze averted to the boy’s kind hands — at the six tiny bats tattoed in the junction of his thumb and forefinger. “You don’t have to apologize. It’s just a scrape, anyway, I can handle it.”

“Agree to disagree,” the boy says with a lopsided smile, brushing his thumb over the bandage to smooth it out. He gives your fingers a small squeeze before he parts from you. “There you good. Good as new.”

Your hands buzz with the longing to feel him again. You bring both of them to your lap, wrenching your fingers into a knot and hoping your face doesn’t look as hot as it feels. “Thank you…” you murmur, trailing off when you realize you don’t know the kind stranger’s name.

“Eddie,” he finishes for you.

“…Eddie.”

“You can stay in here with me if you want,” he offers with a nonchalant shrug — trying to be cool despite his thundering heart. “Third period’ll be over in, like, twenty minutes. I can walk you to your next class— you know, make sure all the freaks leave you alone.”

You purse your lips to the side of your mouth in attempts to hide the beam tugging there. It only halfway works. “That’d be great,” you tell him in a mousy voice. “Thank you…”

Eddie swallows hard and leans forward again. You can smell the nicotine on his breath and the musky cologne on his neck. His face hardens into a gently solemn look. 

“And don’t… Don’t hang around Jason Carver and his goons anymore, okay?” he tells you, sounding like he’s half-pleading. “Those assholes that fucked with your schedule? They’re bad news.”

Feeling like he must know this better than anyone else, you nod firmly in response. “Okay,” you answer, though it comes out in a whisper when the word gets caught in your throat. Something about having Eddie to you is making your body go all funny. It’s weird.

“Stick with me, okay?” the boy smiles, pink and pretty and petaled, as he slouches back onto his throne again. “I’ll take care of you.”

[scribblesofagoonerr]

flu season | buddy & monkey: double the trouble

summary: monkey's sick with the flu and she refuses to admit it, putting her own life in jepordy.

pairings: reader!monkey x leah williamson x reader!buddy x arsenal wfc

You’ve always been too stubborn and being sick definitely wasn’t any different, today certainly wasn’t any different not when it was the first game of the new season.

You weren’t going to let the dumb flu stop you from playing football.

Even if your head was currently pounding and your body ached a ridiculous amount, of course you weren’t going to say anything about it.

“Is that yummy, bubba?” Leah had her attention focused on Buddy, who was making a sticky mess eating pancakes, “Look at your face. It’s a good job we’ve got time for a bath before we head out.” She laughed.

“Bath!” Buddy squealed, clapping her hands excitedly before shoving a piece of syrup-soaked pancake toward your mouth, “Monkey, ‘ou want some?”

You grimaced, shaking her head in disagreement, “No thanks, Buddy,” The sickly-sweet smell of maple syrup was too much to handle right now, “You can keep your pancakes to yourself.”

“Try!” Buddy was still determined to get you to eat some of it.

“No I don’t want to,” You murmured in disagreement.

“Bubba, Monkey doesn’t want to share your pancakes. You just eat them, okay?” Leah gently tells your favourite little buddy.

“Okay Mummy,” Buddy pouted, her little face looking sad and you hated being the one to disappoint her.

“You feeling okay, Monkey?” Leah asked, concern etched on her face as she’s watching you slumped over at the table and trying to force your own breakfast down your throat, “You don’t look that good, my girl.”

Lifting your head up from the table, you can already feel your eyes beginning to droop shut again, “Oh yeah, I’m… I’m fine,” You murmur, trying to project a confidence that you certainly don’t feel.

That’s a complete lie, you’re anything but fine right now.

Leah furrows her eyebrow in further concern, “Are you sure?”

“I’m fine,” You insisted, a half-hearted smile creeping onto your lips, as if that would convince the both of you.

Leah wasn’t buying it though apparently, “It’s okay to admit that you’re not feeling well,” Leah reminds you gently, walking over to you as a trick way to try and rest the back of her hand on your forehead but you flinch away from it, “If you’re feeling ill then it’s okay. You don’t need to pretend you’re fine, you know?”

“I’m fine,” You dodge her wavering hand and fake another smile as you know exactly what she’s trying to do, “See? Totally fine.”

“Monkey,” Leah sends you a weary look.

“I’m fine, Le!” You continue to insist and get up from the table, “I’m going to get ready anyways. First game of the season, exciting right?” It literally felt like you had mustered all the energy you had for that, but you were pretty convincing if you do say so yourself.

“Okay,” Leah exhales a sigh, shaking her head and allowing you to wander off upstairs to get ready, knowing you better than you think and knowing there was definitely something wrong with you.

The car ride to the training ground was a chance for Leah to try and get it out of you again as she wasn’t ready to drop it, “Are you sure you’re feeling alright, Monkey?” She pressed for an answer.

It didn’t take a genius to notice that you weren’t definitely not feeling your usual cheeky self nor did you have a pep in your step like normal. You were far less erratic when it came to things.

That was the first telltale sign that you weren’t feeling well at all.

The second, the visible beads of sweat coming radiating off your forehead.

“I told you I’m fine, Le. Stop fussing over me, will you?” The snap in your voice was unintentional, but the constant questions were grating on your nerves.

You’re fine, you are– It’s just the flu. It’s not a big deal.

Leah glanced over, her concern deepening, “I’m just looking out for you, Monkey. I just want to make sure that you’re not putting yourself in harm,” She paused as she pulled up at a set of traffic lights, “Think about your health, my girl.”

“Told you that I’m fine,” You argued, feeling defensive.

You weren’t missing out on the opportunity to play in the opening game, even if you did feel completely miserable.

“Are you really?” Leah’s voice softened, but the worry still remained.

“It’s just a cold, Leah. I can still play,” You tugged your hoodie over your head, ignoring the way the dizziness washed over you and you pretended to be fine.

The last thing you want right now is Leah fussing over you, or worse, pulling you out of the match.

You just had to convince her that you were fine but that was difficult when the blonde was practically watching over you like a hawk.

You’re not missing out on this one. No way!

“I still don’t think it’s a good idea,” Leah murmured, cautiously aware that you playing today wouldn’t be a good idea at all, “Why don’t you just give this one a miss? It’s just one game.”

“NO!” You exclaimed, not meaning to come across as abrupt as you said it, “I mean… I have to play, I have too– I’m not letting anyone down!”

“You wouldn’t be letting anybody down,” Leah stated, in a gentle but firm tone of voice, “Your health matters first, Monkey. Everybody will understand if you’re sick.”

“I’m not missing it and you can’t make me!” You shouted, making a beeline to escape the car once you arrived at the training grounds before Leah had even had a chance to stop her car, “So back off!”

“Monkey! Get back here, we’re not done with this conversation yet!” Leah shouted, enraged as she quickly turned the ignition off on the car, “Monkey!” She repeated.

You completely ignored the way your head pounded or how your limbs felt like they were weighted down with sand, along with the slight tremor in your hands as you made your way over to your best friend, Kyra who had joined during the summer transfer window and the two just hit it off straight away.

“What’s got Leah looking so annoyed?” The young Australian questioned, confused as she spotted the blonde looking less than pleased, “I mean she always looked slightly annoyed, but what did you do this time?” She joked.

“Nothing it doesn’t matter,” You murmured, trying to ignore the pounding in your head and force yourself to stay standing up.

“Alright, so are you ready for today?” Kyra’s loud voice caught you off guard, swinging her arm around your shoulder and you couldn’t help but stumble slightly, “First game of the season today!”

You winced at the loudness of her voice, “Ky, could you maybe not speak so loud?”

Kyra furrowed her eyebrow and looked up and down, “You don’t look so good there, mate,” She noted, “You alright?”

“I’m fine,” The lie rolled off your tongue, even though your body was screaming otherwise, “It’s just a little cold, Leah wants me to not play in today’s match but she’s overreacting about it.”

“Monkey!” Speaking of the devil and she shall appear, Leah walked over to you with Buddy in her arms, dressed in a full kit of this seasons’ jersey with a large puffer coat over the top to protect her from the unpredictable English weather, “We weren’t finished with our conversation.”

“Oh, really? I thought we were done,” You feigned ignorance to the conversation, trying to block her out since she would just keep trying to change your mind about playing in the game.

Not on your watch were you missing it.

Leah clicked her tongue and shook her head, “Unbelievable,” She muttered in disbelief as she placed Buddy down to toddle over to Lia when she had spotted her,  “We’re not done talking about this.” She said in a firm tone of voice.

“Wonderful. I look forward to us finishing it,” You deadpanned, avoiding Leah’s watchful gaze as you tried to engage in conversation with Kyra, Alessia and Vic, “So, who’s excited for the game?” You tried to pretend to be excited, but your energy felt even further weak than before.

You weren’t missing this game, not at all.

You were lucky enough that Leah decided to make her own way to the stadium with Buddy in her car, it meant you were able to escape the hawkeye watch.

At least you were for now until you arrived at the Emirates stadium ahead of kick off.

By the time you arrived at the Emirates, you felt completely wiped out as you made your way inside and it took all your energy to even muster a smile and wave at the staff around.

“Are you alright, Monkey?” Alessia caught the way you stumbled getting off the bus and looked at you concerned.

“I’m alright,” You murmured quietly and tried to pretend like you were indeed feeling fine.

You were the complete opposite of “fine” right now.

“You don’t look fine,” Kyra chipped in, her own voice filled with concern as she draped her arm around you to help keep you standing up right, “You’re literally swaying right now.”

“I’m alright,” You repeated, still trying your best to convince yourself more than anyone else, “Please don’t say anything right now, I’ve literally had to convince Le I’m fine and if she hears me admit it then she’ll make me miss out on the game.”

The Australian girl continued to look further worried, “But you’re sick?” She questioned.

“Shh,” You were quick to place your hand over her mouth to stop her talking any further, “I’m fine, I’m completely fine, Ky.” You told her.

“Alright,” Kyra said, reluctantly agreeing with you as she kept her arm wrapped around your shoulder, “But you should probably avoid Leah if you’re trying to convince her because right now you look like you’re about to drop down right here.”

“Yeah,” You murmured in agreement, lacking the energy to be playful like usual.

Well that would have been easier to do if she weren’t standing there as part of the welcoming committee, although you couldn’t help but smile in awe when you see Buddy standing beside her and holding her hand out, copying Leah’s exact actions with the players.

Your favourite little buddy certainly was Leah’s mini me, looks and mannerisms completely.

“High five, Monkey!” Buddy chirped excitedly, vibrating with excitement as she bounced on her toes.

Kneeling down slightly, you winced as you felt the aching shoot through your body as you exchanged high fives’ with the 2 year old, before having the task of standing back up and trying to not stumble and go dizzy again.

“Monkey,” Leah greeted you with a kind smile, very much aware of the cameras’ on display that would no doubt be featured somewhere, “C’mere my girl.”

You knew exactly what she was doing when she enveloped you in a hug but there was no way to escape it and there was no way you could get out of this one.

Leah was quick to rest the back of her hand against your forehead and frown, “Monkey, you’re burning up,” She stated, “I don’t think it’s a good idea to play.” She said, her voice low to not gather too much attention around her.

“I’m fine,” You pulled away from her and flashed a fake smile before continuing to make your way in the direction of the pitch to go and inspect it, dragging Kyra along with you.

You had been incredibly excited about this opening game, it was special with thousands of fans flocking in to witness it.

“Look at the pitch,” You heard Katie’s loud voice as she walked past you, and it made you wince in pain.

Was it really a good idea to play? Sure, what’s the harm that can happen?

“Let’s go girls,” Kim led the team out onto the pitch to begin the warm-ups ahead of the game while the absent players were sitting on the bench and mingling between them.

You were sauntering out of the tunnel when Leah caught hold of your wrist, “Monkey,” She began while giving you a firm look, “You and I both know that you’re sick and playing in this game isn’t a good idea.” She stated, promptly.

“Who’s sick?” You attempted to play dumb, pulling your wrist out of her grasp and making your way onto the pitch to warm up with the rest of them,  “Told you, I’m fine. See? I’m just peachy.”

Joining the team to run the drills, you pushed yourself to keep up even when your body begged you to slow down. You could feel the sweat trickling down your back and the light headedness was slowly starting to creep back in, but you refused to acknowledge it so you could continue to warm up.

You weren’t about to let anybody down today.

During every single drill, you could feel your body protesting more loudly but you had to keep the facade going, grinning through it all.

You weren’t about to be seen as weak, especially not today.

“Is she okay?” Beth questioned in concern, apparently she was able to see through your act, “She doesn’t seem like her usual self.” She added, noticing the slow pace you had while taking part in the drills with the rest of the team.

“She really doesn’t,” Viv piped in as Buddy sat on her lap and excitedly chatted her ear off.

You felt a sudden wave of dizziness wash over you but you tried to shake your head and clear it– You’re fine, you just need to push through it.

Apparently, everyone else could see the facade that you were putting on.

“Monkey’s sick and she’s being stubborn apparently,” Leah exhaled a sigh, pinching the bridge of her nose as she continued to keep a watchful eye on you, “I didn’t want her to play, it’s not a good idea, but of course she’s very much against the idea.”

“Of course she is,” Beth murmured, shaking her head, “Can’t you do anything about it though? She’ll listen– Maybe you could tell Jonas and he can make the decision to bench her.”

You tried to keep pushing on, keeping up the pace with your teammates but you’re slipping.

Ten minutes in and you can feel it– the fever, the exhaustion, the weight of your body dragging you down.

“Or there’s Kim,”  Viv chimed in, gesturing to your Captain who’s not too far away from where you stood.

It happened so fast, one moment you were sprinting down the pitch and the next, your legs gave out way beneath you and you collapsed onto the grass, the cold ground grounding you and everything fading into darkness.

“I guess so– Oh my God, Monkey!” Leahs’ eyes were frantic as she bolted up from her seat, watching the moment that your legs gave out beneath you and sent you crashing to the ground.

“Monkey!” Lia is the nearest to Monkey as she panicked and dropped to her side before her eyes scanned around looking for Leah, “Leah! Over here!”

“Get the medics, now!” Kim shouted, the panic laced in her own voice.

“Monkey!” Leah rushed to your side as she crouched down beside you, “Monkey! Can you hear me?” You felt her strong arms lift you off the ground, “I’m here, I’m right here, my girl.”

The world slowly came back into focus and you could see Leah’s worried face staring right back at you, “I���m fine,” You mumbled, but it sounded weak even to you.

“Fine?” Leah couldn’t help but scoff and shake her head, “No, I told you that it was a bad idea, I knew you were sick and yet you didn’t listen. This is very much not fine!” Her voice still remained firm but she couldn’t help but be worried, watching you collapse was enough to make her panic.

“I don’t see the big deal, I’m fine,” You murmured groggily, attempting to push yourself back up, “I can still play, I just… I need to get my breath back.” You added.

The medic team ran to your side and began to do checks to make sure you’re fine, and you didn’t hit your head or anything too serious.

“No, no, absolutely not,” Leah told you, holding you firmly down, “I don’t think so, look I know you want to play but it’s not a good idea and I mean that this time, Monkey.” She insisted, her grip strong and reassuring.

“No, Leah! I can’t! The game–” You wanted to argue and tell her you’re fine again, that you can keep going but all that comes out is a weak cough.

Your head felt like it was on fire and the cold air against your skin sent a shiver through you.

“You’re not playing,” Leah repeated, firmly as she lifted you up into her arms and carried you back to the bench, “You’re burning up, forget about the game. You’re sick, and I’m letting you get any worse.”

“But Le,” You attempt to talk but lack any energy to try and argue your case, your body has already given up as you curled up on the bench, feeling small and defeated, “Okay.” You reluctantly gave in.

Leah pulled off her own coat and draped it over you like a blanket, “Sit here, don’t move,” She paused as she brushed a strand of hair out of your eyes, “I’m going to grab you some water and have a word with Jonas.”

You hate this– You hate feeling weak, hate that you had to miss out. That you let yourself get to this point.

“I’m fine to–” You muttered, trying to sit back up and protest against the idea.

“No, don’t even think about it,” Leah interjected, shaking her head, “God, how can you still be this stubborn even when you’re sick? I want you to sit here and not move, alright?” She said, pointing her index finger in your face.

“Don’t worry Le, we’ll keep an eye on her,” Beth piped in from where she sat on the other side of you on the bench, “Go talk to Jonas, it’s fine.”

Leah flashed her blonde friend a grateful smile, “Thanks, Beth.” With that, she wandered off to find your coach and left you on the bench with Beth, Viv, Buddy.

“Monkey, ‘ou okay? You fell,” Buddy’s innocent eyes looked concerned as she tried to crawl over to sit on your lap, despite your curled up frame, “Hugs make things better!”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea right now, Buddy,” Viv was reluctant to let Buddy attempt to climb over you, understanding how weak you might be feeling right now along with the whole fact of Buddy not getting sick either.

“Ow,” Buddy pouted and it broke your heart to see her look so upset.

You let out a cough and it wracked your whole body, “I can… I can still play. I’m fine, see? It’s just a cough,” You tried to insist that you’re fine, while attempting to try and stand up again as you felt a sense of determination that you weren’t about to miss the game.

Beth saw straight through it and pushed you back down into your seat, “Hey, no. Take it easy, Monkey,” She paused, “You’re definitely not in any fit state to play today as much as you want to.”

“I don’t want to let anyone down though,” You murmured, feeling the disappointment for not being there for your teammates.

Beth gave you a sympathetic smile and wrapped her arm around you, “You’re not letting anybody down, kid. You can’t help being sick.”

“I feel like I am,” You quietly admitted.

It’s not too long before Leah walks back over to where you’re sitting, “Right, I’ve had a word with Jonas and he’s aware you're not able to play today,” She informed you, handing you a bottle of water to drink, “Here you go my girl, drink this please.” She instructed, taking a seat beside you on the bench in the free spot.

“I’m sorry,” You muttered a quiet apology, you had kind of been horrible today and all because you were so stubborn to admit when you were sick and not able to play.

“It’s okay my girl,” Leah pulled you into her side and brushed the hair away that was stuck to your forehead, “I just don’t want to see you get any worse, alright?”

“O… Okay,” You reluctantly gave in to her words and kept yourself tucked into her side.

“You’ll get better in no time, there’s plenty more matches this season,” Leah promised you, “But you would have really been putting yourself in harm's way if you had played today.” She added.

“I get it,” You murmured, hoping the lecture was over but you were definitely mistaken there.

“This is serious, Monkey,” Leah continued to tell you, “I know you might feel like I am nagging you, but this could have been so much worse than it was.” She said, reminding you the seriousness of how bad it could have been– She was right there.

“Do you?” Leah asked, raising an eyebrow,” Cos’ I really don’t think you do– Your decision was reckless and irresponsible, you could have hurt yourself. What could have happened if you hit your head when you collapsed?”

“I know, I know,” You bit your bottom lip and felt immense guilt for making everyone worry like they did, “I know it was a stupid decision and I’m sorry that I did that.”

Leah exhaled a sigh, sympathetic for you feeling so miserable, “Right, how about we head home now then?” She suggested, gesturing for you to try and stand up, but your body definitely felt too weak to even move right now.

Shaking your head, you stayed seated on the bench, “No… No, I don’t wanna go home– Can we stay and watch the match, please?” You asked.

“Monkey,” Leah began, debating the decision in her head, “You’re sick and you need to be at home resting, being here isn’t a good idea.”

“It’s the first game of the season–  It’s important,” You plead, you didn’t want to miss it even if you were feeling like you had literally been run over by a double decker bus, “Please?”

“I don’t think it’s a good idea,” Leah furrowed her eyebrow and shook her head, “You’ll feel better if you’re at home. You can watch the game at home, we can probably catch most of it on telly.”

“I don’ wanna go,” Buddy insisted, managing to successfully climb onto Beth’s lap and tuck herself against her, “Wan’ stay, Mummy!”

“There’s no harm in staying to watch, Le,” Beth spoke up as she gave her opinion, “Monkey’s hardly able to move right now and if worse comes to the worst, she can just curl up and sleep here on.” She joked, gesturing to the way you had all but tucked yourself into Leah’s side and your eyes were drooping shut.

“Stay,” Buddy repeated.

Leah exhaled a sigh and gave in, “Fine, alright, but as soon as it finishes, we’re going home,” She paused to look at you, “You need to rest and get better.”

“Alright,” You smiled faintly, despite the overall exhaustion you felt.

“Why were you so insistent to play today when you feel so terrible, huh?” Leah kept her arm wrapped securely around you, “You scared me when you collapsed in the way that you did.”

“I’m sorry, I thought I could push through it and I would be fine,” You continued to lean into her, too exhausted to put up the fight anymore as your body wracked with coughs again, “I didn’t want to let the team down. I didn’t want to miss out.” You mumbled, your words slurring together as the fever pulled you deeper into exhaustion.

Leah exhaled a sigh and shook her head, running her hand through the strands of your hair, “You can’t help anyone when you’re like this, my girl,” She told you, “Next time, listen to me, yeah? I’ve always got your best interest at heart, delightful teenage attitude and all.” She joked.

“What fun is that though,” Sick or not, you can't help but be your usual cheeky self as you smirked at the blonde, “God, my body aches– I feel horrible.” You admitted out loud.

“And that’s you finally admitting you're sick, I’m shocked,” Leah joked, ruffling your hair and you didn’t even have the energy to growl or protest like usual, “Something tells me this is gonna hit you hard this week, eh?” She murmured, making the mental note to drop a text to Jordan to arrange the alternative option for Buddy to stay with her to avoid ending up with both of them sick.

© scribblesofagoonerr

[alphajocklover]

I'm 23 and have been obsessed with body-building for years. I'm nowhere near big though. I'd love to be blown up into an absolutely massive freak. I wanna struggle to fit through door ways, I want furniture to bend under me. I want most guys I hit on to think I'm too big.

Please can you blow me up and grow me into the biggest bodybuilder possible.

It’s finally time for another one of my personal transformations. It’s been a little bit since I helped turn that guy into a bodybuilder jock with a supernova charged battery, but last time was so much fun I knew I had to do it again when the chance came up. I guess the only real question is what transformation method is right for you. I could always use the supernova battery again, or one of the other transformation methods I mentioned in my first personal transformation, but if I’m being honest part of the fun last time was sharing all the ways I could transform people. So how about we take a look at some of my newer transformation methods.

Your first choice is a CD. It’s a special video made for me by a local football coach who has recently introduced the Jock Studies program to his school. I reached out in the hope of getting an interview with him, and just got this in return. Not even a proper response. It’s… kind of an obvious trap too. I mean, I ask a bunch of people who are famous for turning people into submissive jocks to give me an interview, and they send me an unmarked CD? I mean, you can’t report on this kind of stuff like I do without someone trying to transform you eventually. I was actually kind of honored that they considered me enough trouble to target me… but not enough to actually watch the video. You can have the CD if you want. I’m absolutely certain you’d turn into a massive jock. Although you’d also be incredibly submissive to the coaches who made this, which might not be your jam. Let’s look at the others before you decide at least.

Your next option is a bit complicated. It’s a time machine, recently stolen from a group named the SAD (society against douchebags) by the Douchebag Revolution. I did a favor for them recently so they gave me this. Said they could trust me to use it responsibly. Well, sort of. The way they said it included a lot more ‘bros’ and ‘fuck yeahs’ but that was basically the gist. Anyways, we could use it to change you by changing your past. A little manipulation of your life and you could end up a bodybuilder. The thing is that time travel is… risky. Ever heard of the butterfly effect? That’s why I try to avoid time travel as much as possible. Too much can go wrong. Let’s move onto something else, since this one is so… unpredictable.

How about this one? It’s water from a familiar little town called Maxford, the one that turns anyone who enters it into a straight, conservative jock or bimbo. Turns out drinking water that’s bottled inside the town has similar effects. Turns you into your Maxford self for 24 hours. You wouldn’t believe what I had to go through to get this. Entering Maxford was an… interesting experience. Um, anyways, it might not be the best choice for you. It’s temporary, and it will turn you straight the entire time you’re a hunk. That can be fun to try, but I get the feeling you want something more permanent. Let’s look at something else

Finally is a specially made necklace, a gold chain with a miniature dumbbell pendant. It’s made by a jewelry store chain that might sound familiar to you if you’ve read some of my earlier stories: EB Jewelry. Normally these are pretty expensive, and you’d have to buy them directly from EB Jewelry, but there was a mistake with manufacturing and they ended up with a surplus of these things. I bought a ton of them and wouldn’t mind parting with one. Put it on and you’ll transform into a total bodybuilder jock. More than that, I can give you more than one. You can share them with your friends, make an entire group of bodybuilder jocks that barely fit through doors. Yeah, that one is definitely the best choice. Go ahead, try it on.

Fuck you look good. You seem quite a bit dimmer now, which is to be expected, but god you look like walking sex. Make sure to share those necklaces with your friends. Using more than one might have… side effects. Plus, the more huge jocks, the better.

[hedghost]

Hedge’s Official Ranking of the 24/25 WSL Kits That Literally Nobody Asked For - Home Edition

please please tell me your thoughts in the reblogs or tags!!! i love hearing other people’s critiques. this is the one time the woso community can all come together and complain about the same thing!

1.Liverpool

potentially a controversial opinion but this is Nice As Hell! i know a lot of people said the collars are ugly but like idk it’s kinda giving if you ask me. it’s bold, it’s a statement. i love retro. this is just a good kit. it’s doing bits without doing too much. simple, tasteful, plus a little subtle pizzazz with those jaunty ass stripes - werk it ladies!

plus this kit is made from recycled plastic bottles, nice job! save those turtles liverpool!

apparently the pattern spells out ynwa, which i’m totally Not seeing (maybe i misunderstood this). i’m getting a Y, and then like an H in there maybe? and then i’m just lost, so not sure you hit the mark with that one, but love you for trying! it’s a cool pattern regardless, so i’d maybe just ditch the whole symbolism jargon and stick with that. overall nice job guys - 9/10

bonus points for that prematch shirt, love the detailing on it very sexy top marks

2. Arsenal

sorry arsenal fans, this shit is ugly as fuckkkkk - i’m not even being biased or trying to start fights (for once) it’s just like so hideous. i didn’t really like last season’s but compared to this that was a masterpiece. it’s so PLAIN! the weird red splodge is like not flattering at all and the blue? what’s that all about? also i fucking hate the back it looks like a used period pad, so hopefully the numbers fix that.

praying for your sakes you get a nice third kit or something bc this is ass.

also i’m a HATER for minimalist badge designs. this cannon logo makes the shirt look like a uniform for a museum volunteer. don’t get me wrong - arsenal is not the only culprit. what has a good old crest ever done to you? why do we hate maximalism? why do we hate fun? - 4/10

3. Manchester City

now this is fine. it’s just fine. it’s objectively nice, but it’s also objectively boring! as! fuck! the solid blue is clean but a little too flat. something looks off. it’s missing something. idk it’s nice ig, but it also seems identical to last season? if i saw these pics with no context i’d literally think it was from this year, but that’s the case with most top tier clubs it seems. have some fun guys! push the boat out! where’s the whimsy? but yeah anyway it’s alright.

at least they tried with the sleeves. allegedly they have the manchester dialling code 0161 on them but i mean - do they? do they really? because it looks like a bus seat to me. city fans decide for yourself i guess, because i for one won’t be getting close enough to a city shirt to look

it’s also made from recycled waste textiles so yay again! probably made from all the city shirts people threw out after they all but fucked the title 🤭 - 7/10

4. Tottenham Hotspur

wow spurs this is nice. it’s just so clean, so crisp. my normal issue with spurs kits is their absolute undying commitment to being plain as fuck. they picked one colour, white - arguably the most boring colour of all, arguably even the total absence of colour - and stuck to it. this however? it’s simplicity done well. it’s still plain and simple, but in a gorgeous sexy way. those navy retro colourblock sleeves? stunning! the crispest white you’ve ever seen? stunning! the tiniest of sleeve embellishments? stunning! simplicity done well. it’s just so crispy. pleases my eye.

also huge respect to them for not jumping of the band wagon with the whole ‘every shirt must have ugly details with symbolic meaning we grasped at straws to come up with in order to do something new and edgy’. spurs said no! they said ‘oh this? yeah this is a football shirt. what does it mean? it means football shirt.’ thanks spurs, good job - 9.5/10

5. Crystal Palace

ummmm. now. hmm. uhh. what? this is, um, what? give me a second to get my thoughts in order. i don’t know what is happening here and i’m at a loss for words.

right. crystal palace. inaugural season in the wsl. making a statement. making a splash. right. here’s the thing. i’m always saying wsl kits are too boring. i’m always saying we want fun patterns and whimsy. i’m looking at this in genuine confusion because i actually do not know what is going on here. do i like it? not sure? do i hate it? also not sure?

i think i kind of like it? but i also kind of hate it? it’s insanely busy, it’s probably the most garish kit i’ve ever seen in my life. i think part of the problem is that the club doesn’t have a great colour palette to work from. it’s very bright. i do love the pattern of the eagle crest in the blue, that’s a huge win from me. it’s just those spray paint red splatters that’s throwing me off. it looks like they spent ages making a lovely blue eagle pattern and then remembered they needed red in there so just used the funky spray tools on microsoft paint to draw over the top. it’s giving shit cgi blood splatter in a low budget zombie film. it’s like the barcelona shirts if they were designed by a gcse art student on an acid trip.

the more i’m looking at it however, i’m kind of loving it? kinda camp i guess. this one could be a grower. i’m still confused. at least they’ll make a splash in the wsl - 6/10

6. Manchester United

you’d think by now that i would have learnt to not get my hopes up with this club. remember the long long list of disappointments from yanited this season that i never shut up about? yeah, add this kit to that list.

listen it’s not awful. it’s not ugly, it’s not an eyesore. at the very least, it’s classic united. but it’s just so! bloody! dull! i’m literally falling asleep looking at it. it’s a t-shirt. its literally just a t-shirt. the problem is they set the bar too high last year, with that beautiful pattern and beautiful shade of red. and now, in proper united style, we’re straight back to mediocrity.

let’s talk details. oh wait, they aren’t ANY. there is nothing to say about this kit because there is nothing going ON with this kit. i like the white stripes. that’s it. theres the ombré red at the bottom, which is like- it’s okay. problem is - there’s like four too many shades of red on this shirt, and none of them are that nice. it needs a pattern or something! a pop! a little pizzazz! not a fan of the curved back panel, but it does look a whole lot better than arsenal’s at least.

this is absolutely nothing groundbreaking but it’s fine. it’s just so fucking plain. i know my girls will still serve in it, but i hoped for more. of course, in true united fashion: it’s the hope that kills you - 6/10

7. Chelsea

the tagline for this release is 'we burn blue', because 'the hottest part of the flame burns blue'. congrats on passing year seven chemistry guys. anyway, with that in mind, this kit is, naturally of course, patterned with a mystery blue LIQUID. im not seeing flames in any part of this kit. literally how is this meant to look like fire. this tagline is pure bollocks. it literally could not look more like water if it tried. aka, the opposite of fire.

the kit itself, i'm honestly struggling to form an opinion. i dont think i hate it, but i dont love it either. it may have been easier to figure out if i could actually SEE the kit in any of the release photos, instead of some stupid fucking slow motion blur effect. this pic makes mayra look like she's undergoing mitosis. poor girl's been through enough. it says a lot that in your official kit release you're actively preventing me from looking at the kit.

its not awful? i'm not a fan of these kind of realistic graphics on kits, just makes it look fake and cheap, but like, idk its kinda cool ig. the more i look the more i'm down with it. the colours are nice. its shiny. i'm glad we've gone for originality at least. patterns are fun. - 7.5/10

8. Brighton

i missed this release bc i saw the pictures and genuinely did not realise it was a different kit oops. i do feel bad for clubs who have committed to a striped kit because honestly there’s not really many ways you can play with that. but also that’s kind of their own fault. there’s really not much you can say about this. the sleeves are white this time… okay… there’s a faint pinstripe down each stripe… okayyy… yep that’s kind of it really.

it’s clean, it’s classic brighton, it’s a decent kit. there’s just genuinely nothing new about this. it’s fine. they just clearly couldn’t be bothered and i respect that. - 6/10

9. West Ham

okay we’re doing turtlenecks now apparently!! interesting choice!! i think it kinda looks fuckass silly but also i kind of like it actually. bit of fun innit. good stripes.

the rest of the kit is pretty mid. plainer than a toast sandwich. except for the sleeves! because this year, not only are they bringing in turtlenecks, west ham have decided to also bring in milkmaid sleeves! why is it like that? like is it just a weird bad fit or have they put a fucking elasticated band on? who’s idea was that? what is going on! also am i having a stroke or has the badge changed colour. because it looks fucking hideous. what did they do that for.

i do love the fact they did this shoot in a pub though. very funny. and the kit isn’t too bad. i like the stripes - 6/10

10. Leicester

this is the plainest most boring kit i have ever seen with my own two eyes. that is literally all i can say about this. boring. much like the city of leicester itself.

however - the women have a different kit sponsor to the men and i respect that so you can have one bonus point - 4/10

11. Everton

i’ll be totally honest - i wasn’t expecting everton to give me like the best kit of the bunch. this is the kit for me. i like this one a lot. castore may be mega shit quality but at least they don’t just copy paste all their kits.

i fucking love the pattern here. it’s subtle but it’s nice! and it’s different! we’re not doing any mad shit like chelsea, we’re not doing absolutely nothing at all like leicester. the perfect middle ground of the blue kits. the sponsor is hideous but i’m ignoring that. this is just lovely to look at. stylish, sleek. it’s giving high quality bus seats. this is no stagecoach, this is private hire only. i just love it. and then to top it all off, just the perfect amount of collar detailing. i would be a happy toffee if i was wearing this. gorgeous. loses half a point because the badge fell off during the game which is hysterical.- 9.5/10

12. Aston Villa

this is just the west ham kit if west ham were normal. it’s nothing to write home about, but i do like it. i like the block sleeves and the stripe colour. i like the subtle stripes down the side. i like the simplicity. i like the collar stripes. i even like the flat badge. also i’m assuming this is a betting sponsor which sucks but i do have to say that the sponsor looks great with this kit. it blends in, which is rare. this is a clean, classic kit, and i’m glad that at least one team could be normal. i don’t like that there’s pretty much nothing i can make fun of here. unfortunate for me, good for villa. good job - 8/10

note - all this was written as soon as each club released their kit, so some of my opinions have changed, and a lot have grown on me (looking at you united), but i’ve left the review untouched so you can get purely my honest first impression.

away, third and goalkeeper ratings are currently in progress so expect them once they've all been released! these posts literally never get any notes but i absolutely love doing them so i'm doing it anyway, but if you did wanna encourage me with some nice comments that wouldn't go amiss ;) xx

[fallinforerling]

Hi I was the one that asked for a jobe fanfic ,I was thinking maybe like meeting his family and like jude is all protective of jobe and just wants to makes sure that she actually likes him for who he is..please

troubled meetings - jb

A/N: I don't actually know what was going on inside my head when I was writing this, so my deepest apologies. I just know I love to make Jude the villain. See you soon!

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ೃ⁀➷ masterlist

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✉️ “Come meet my family on Saturday. Theyʼll be all home, and my mum is dying to know you ever since she ate those biscuits you made earlier this week.” 

At the time, the idea was wonderful. Finally meeting the family of your best friend. It seemed like a completely normal thing to do. 

Except Jobeʼs family wasnʼt exactly... common? Not even Jobe himself was, since he also fell into the “famous footballer” category for a lot of people. You didnʼt saw him as a celeb since he was your friend, but his brother was an exception.

Everyone knew his brother. 

That same brother was now sitting across the table, looking at you in a way that made you feel like your company wasnʼt the most welcomed. Maybe it was because you werenʼt a familiar face, or maybe because you two were forced to be alone for a long period of time (thirty minutes) without any more information than your names. Well, at least on his side. 

“So… Are you happy to be back?” You ask awkwardly, trying to break the ice. 

“Sure.” He said, sniffing while looking away from you. “S'nice to be home for a while.” He gave you a look that was pretty confusing to you, but you werenʼt about to ask him what was wrong. “How did you met Jobe?” 

“Uh, thatʼs a pretty funny story, actually!” You smiled for the first time in ten minutes, always happy to tell anyone the way you met since it was one of your favorite memories so far. “I was sitting in this coffee shop when, suddenly, a lot of voices, screams, and noise started to unfold inside this tiny place. I was like, «What the hell?», so I look up, and there is a whole football team sitting on any spot available... Which was almost every single one; I was the only customer at that moment. So yeah, after a while I tried to leave, and before I made it out I got this horrible, cold feeling… Turns out your brother poured his coffee on me by accident! I was fuming!” You laughed, expecting him to follow along since almost everyone did. But it seems like thereʼs an exception for everything. “Anyways... He apologized and promised to pay for new clothes and a new coffee.” You finished your story half-smiling at him, noticing how he didnʼt even tried to pretend he liked the story. 

What was wrong with this guy? 

“Thatʼs nice.” Was all he said for a while. “Did you know who he was at that time?” 

“Well, I recognized his face from somewhere... He looks a lot like you, haha.” Not a good joke, it seems. “Uhm, but yeah, later I realized that he was, uhm, Jobe Bellingham.” 

“And aren’t you a bit older to be friends with my brother?” 

“Pardon?”

You were beyond uncomfortable by this point. It was very off-putting to notice how strong his dislike for you actually was, which was sad since you just met him. That question sounded like an accusation. Just as you were about to get up and try to look for Denise, who you met a bit earlier and was the sweetest soul ever, Jobe appeared out of nowhere. His hair seemed a bit wet, and you knew he had just taken a shower. The fucker left you alone with the orc of his brother for a shower.  

“Finally!” You whispered at him, praying that Jude didn’t have excellent hearing. “Can we get out of here?” 

“What? Why?” Your friend was confused for a second before he looked in his brother’s direction, who was now getting up from the table. “Did he tell you something?” 

“No?” You answered, because even if Jude was a total asshole, he wasn’t actually rude to you. “I’m just uncomfortable. I don’t think he likes me that much.” 

“Why not? You’re the sweetest person ever.” 

You opened your mouth to answer, but Jude’s voice interrupted you at the last minute. 

“Jobe, can we talk for a second?”

“About what?” 

“Just come with me to the kitchen, alright?” 

Jobe gave you a look of disbelief before following his brother into the next room, leaving you standing in the middle of the living room without knowing what to do. Did you leave and say sorry later? Or was it better to stay and pretend that you were okay with whatever was going on? You sighed, knowing that if you left, you were going to appear as a rude guest as well as a bad friend. So you had no other option but to sit at the table again, looking around to keep your mind occupied. 

“Jobe, you really need to start being more careful about who you bring around, okay? Do you really know this girl?” 

Woah, what? 

“What do you mean by “being careful”? She’s my best friend!” 

Not like you wanted to eavesdrop, but... Well, it appears like the walls were very thin. 

“Best friend? She’s too old to be your friend! Also, are you sure she’s not your friend just because... You know?” 

Hell, Jude Bellingham was a douchebag. 

“Why are you telling me this? Stop being a douchebag!” You could tell Jobe was starting to get really pissed; you, on the other side, just felt sad. Did you seem like the type of person to befriend someone just for their fame? “That’s so fucked up.” 

Well, it was fucked up. 

“I’m just trying to protect you!” Jude said, raising his voice just a bit. “You know how many people approach us just because we’re a bit famous. You don’t have any idea how many people want a taste of it, and they’ll do anything to get some.” 

“Well, she’s not like that! I know her very well, she’s been my friend all these months while you were away with mom. She’s not a cloud chaser, so stop being rude towards her! She can hear us, you know?” 

“No, she can’t!” 

“I actually can!” You said a bit louder than you wanted, giggling when a loud “Fuck!” came from the kitchen. “No worries, I just got offended by your very wrong assumptions about me, nothing serious!” 

There was a silence for a few seconds before they both came back to the living room, their faces covered in a mix of shame and guilt that almost made you laugh. Almost. You tried to feel anger towards Jude, since he was the biggest asshole you’d ever met so far, but you couldn’t. Was he trying to protect his brother? Yeah. Was this the best way to do so? Nah. 

“I’m the same age as you, by the way. Not that old.” You said after a few seconds, gaining half a smile from Jobe, who looked at his brother, waiting for a response. 

“Look, I’m sorry about...” Jude started, but you held a hand in the air, stopping him from continuing. 

“Don’t bother, I get it.” You stood up, unsure about what to do next. “But next time, try to keep your voice a bit lower so the next girl that tries to take advantage of your brother’s fame doesn't eavesdrop on the whole conversation.” You held back the giggle that wanted to come out of your mouth when Jude gave you the most embarrassed look you’d ever seen on a man’s face ever. “Anyways, you still want to go to that store from earlier?” You asked in Jobe’s direction, trying to play it cool until you were both out of the house. 

“I sure do.” Jobe said, palming his brother’s shoulder before walking towards you. 

You let him guide you to the exit, but before you could manage to get out, you turned around. Jude was still standing there, looking at both of you with guilt. 

“Pleasure to meet you.” Was the last thing you said before leaving. 

Needless to say that what happened that day was the star of every inside joke between you two for a couple of months, even after you made peace with Jude, slowly becoming amicable strangers along the weeks he was visiting from time to time. He still managed to smile a bit when you brought up the subject, even though you knew one tiny piece of him died every time he was reminded of his past behavior.  

Let’s just say you enjoyed his suffering. So you did it a lot.

˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚*ੈ✩‧₊˚⋆·˚ ༘ * JUDE'S TAGLIST

@mentalbaddie | @taintedstranger | @mrs-dasilvasantoss | @mbapbaesluvr | @roses-arerosies | @cinderellawithashoe | @yoitsmo07 | @seajjin | @kakuchosbff | @peterparkerbae | @alwaysclassyeagle | @itsjuspenny-blog | @lbsmainblog | @youngjayla | @freetimemachinequeen | @chaeryeongstuff | @lazyreadergirl | @trentismine | @ironmaiden1313 | @wavessmile | @jul1ettt | @daydream-er | @citrusjunosart | @pierre-gasssllyy | @avianawrites | @topguncultleader | @blahhhhhbleeplop | @ricsaigasalec

[valdomarx]

it hits different (cause it’s you)

Roy and Jamie hook up one (1) time after the charity auction. Roy is totally normal about it. A canon-compliant Roy/Jamie fic in eight chapters, rated E.

i. the auction

“So. You got dumped, huh?” Roy swaggered over to the bar where Jamie was slumped looking sorry for himself, not bothering to keep the amusement off his face. At least some entertainment could come out of this shitshow of an evening.

Jamie pouted. “Uhh, actually, me and Keeley mutually agreed to take some time apart.”

“So you got dumped.”

“Whatever.” Jamie sulked, but rallied himself in typical prick fashion. “Too bad for Keeley that she’s going to be missing out on all this.” He gestured to his open jacket and waxed pecs.

“A terrible loss for her, I'm sure.”

“Fucking believe it.” Jamie ticked off items on his fingers. “I'm hot, I’m rich, I'm an amazing footballer, and I've got a banging body and a generous tongue. So yeah. It is her loss.”

“Sod off." Roy rolled his eyes. "You've never been generous in your entire prick life."

“You've got no idea. I'm very giving in bed. Been complimented on it many times.” Jamie stuck out his tongue and flicked it.

"The only way you’d be giving is if someone put a mirror in front of you.”

"I can be attentive when it's called for."

Tension pulled sharply at Roy's temples, threatening to bloom into a Tartt-induced migraine. “I'll believe that when I see it.”

“Yeah, and you’d fucking enjoy it. This tongue is famed all the way from here to Manchester.”

Roy snorted. “So I’m missing out as well, am I?”

“You’ll never know until you try it. It’s the Tartt factor, innit?”

Jamie waggled his eyebrows. Jesus fuck, the man was irritating. Roy longed to wipe the smirk off his face.

He kept his tone dry and bored. “Too bad for me I’ll never experience that particular delight.”

“Probably for the best,” Jamie conceded, before curling his lip into a teasing sneer. "You couldn't handle it anyway. And I wouldn't want to be responsible for giving a pensioner a heart attack.”

Something hot and bright sparked behind Roy’s eyes. Fuck Jamie fucking Tartt and his fucking arrogance, and his fucking challenges, and his fucking tongue. “Meet me in the bathroom in five minutes and let's find out,” he snapped.

Jamie blinked, thrown off his game. Good, Roy thought. Keep him fucking guessing.

Roy drained his beer, set it on the bar with a clack, and walked away without looking back.

Jamie would be there. Roy knew exactly what little pricks like him wanted.

Read the rest on AO3.

[thesolarangel]

A touch of cinnamon and spice

Chapter 4

summary: Our boys awkwardly talk about their feelings.

3.569 words · Rated: EXPLICIT · Please read the updated tags on AO3!

Notes: Sorry, I totally forgot to mention this before: Robin and Steve are roommates! Also, Steve doesn’t know what D&D is! For the sake of this fic I will ignore the fact that they normally wouldn’t have their own bathroom at their dorm room. In case you didn’t know: putting a sock on the outer doorknob of a room means “Don’t come in, we’re doing spicy stuff!”

Read on AO3 here

Chapter 4 · November 6th 1987 

“Hey, I’m back!”

Jonathan shut the door and threw his backpack onto his bed.

“Hmm.” Eddie made a noise of acknowledgment but didn’t look up from his book. Not even his favorite story had managed to cheer him up, even though he had loved reading “The Hobbit” since he was a kid. Instead, he was staring at the sketch he had made of Steve, which he had kept between the pages… 

“Listen, you should come to the game with me.” Jonathan sounded determined. 

“Huh?” Eddie turned his head to see if Jonathan was joking. Football? Really? He wasn’t a fan of sports and Jonathan knew that.

“I just think some fresh air would be good for you… And to focus your mind on something else for a change…” Jonathan shrugged. 

Eddie frowned. It hadn’t even been a whole week since the halloween party. He had a hard time shaking off the memory of the kiss. Steve’s soft lips against his own and the fireworks in his chest… And the dreadful scene that unfolded in front of him afterward.

Since then, Eddie had run into Steve a few times in the halls or the cafeteria. He had tried to talk to him, but Eddie had bolted every single time. He had taken notice of Steve’s worried face, but he wasn’t interested in what he had to say. Eddie was still hurting and it was embarrassing. He shouldn’t care so much about a guy he kissed once. So he chose to mope about it in his dorm room and avoid leaving whenever he could.

“I gotta take some pictures for the school paper”, Jonathan went on as he prepared his camera with a new film, cleaned the lens, and stuck it into his camera bag. “You could tag along?”

“Ugh, alright.” Eddie sighed as he got up from his bed and stretched his back. “I guess I don’t have anything better to do anyway.”

…

The moment he stepped outside, Eddie regretted it. He had only thrown his leather jacket over his hoodie when he had left the dorm.

It had been an especially uncomfortable November day. The weather was grim and cold, large dark gray clouds were covering the sky. He pulled the hood over his unruly hair which helped a bit to keep the wind from his neck and face.

Unsure about how this could change his already miserable mood, Eddie grumpily accompanied Jonathan to the football field.

Jonathan took his place at the side of the field, all the way down the bleachers whereas Eddie was walking up a few steps, looking for a free seat. Despite the weather, it was very crowded since it was the last game of the season. 

“Hey, Eddie!” A familiar voice called his name.

Oh no.

Equipped with a dark blue coat and a burgundy scarf, Steve was sitting a few rows ahead. He was giving Eddie a small reluctant smile and offered the free seat beside him. His usually neatly styled hair was a little messy, due to the relentless fall wind. 

Eddie felt his shoulders tense up.

Just be casual, Munson. Like he didn’t consume your thoughts for the last few weeks.

“Hey,” Eddie said as his cheeks blushed slightly with embarrassment. He sat down, hands in his pockets, pretending to follow the game to avoid Steve’s view. Their college’s team had just scored a touchdown and everyone was cheering around them. Colorful banners and big foam fingers flew through the air as they shouted their team’s anthem.

After a while, Steve spoke up carefully: “Um, so I wanted to ask you… why did you leave the party so suddenly?”

Here we go.

“You seemed busy flirting with someone else, so I thought it was better if I left,” Eddie answered dryly. His shoulders felt tight as he waited for the impending rejection. 

“I wasn’t flirting though.” 

“Huh?” Eddie raised his eyebrows at him.

“I was catching up with some friends I hadn’t seen in a while. And when you were gone, I was so confused.” Steve said softly. “I was genuinely looking forward to meeting up with you again…” 

“Oh…” Something inside Eddie began to stir with hope. This was not what he had expected. 

Steve awkwardly scratched the back of his head. “I, um… I thought we had a moment that night.” And now it was him blushing and not looking at Eddie. “Sparks, fireworks, whatever you wanna call it…”

Eddie stared at his feet, letting his long curls fall into his face, hopefully concealing his flushed cheeks. He had to wrap his head around what he had just heard, but Steve sounded honest. After all, he could have just ignored Eddie and moved on, but here he was, talking to him, clarifying what had happened. It had all been a big misunderstanding.

“We did have a moment…” He glanced over at Steve, lips curling into a soft smile.

“So… are we good?” Steve asked, playfully bumping his shoulder into Eddie’s.

“We’re good, Stevie.” Eddie let out a huffed laugh. He sat upright again, relief flooding his body and he felt his shoulders relaxing. “Damn, now I wish I had stayed.”

“There’s always next time if you want.” Steve gave him a charming smile and their eyes locked.

One day Eddie’s heart was gonna jump out of his chest at how beautiful Steve was. He looked at him with kind eyes and this stupid grin on his face. 

What did I get myself into… he’s so pretty…

…

They watched together as Steve made a few comments about the course of the game. Eddie nodded along, pretending to understand the football lingo, but it gave him an excuse to look at Steve’s handsome face.

“So, how come Robin isn’t with you? The two of you seemed pretty inseparable.” Eddie asked, eager to find out more about Steve’s life.

“She’s currently at our dorm with her girlfriend, Nancy, the girl that you saw at the party,” Steve explained. “Also full disclosure, Nancy and I used to date in high school, but that didn’t work out, and now we’re friends.”

Their team scored another goal and the audience around them roared. 

“Honestly I have no idea what’s going on down there!” Eddie chuckled and gestured towards the field.

“Then why are you still here?” Steve laughed.

“It’s the excellent company for me, Stevie” Eddie smirked.

…

Eddie felt a few raindrops fall onto his nose and cheeks and he looked up at the sky. It had started to drizzle, but the dark clouds in the distance looked very ominous.

Those who were thoughtful enough to bring umbrellas and raincoats were fine, but Eddie groaned as his jeans and hood slowly got drenched.

What started as a light shower that was easy to handle, quickly developed into massive rainfall with heavy gusts of wind. Down on the field, the players kept slipping and losing their balance on the soaked lawn due to poor visibility from the rain and wind. 

At first, the announcer reported that they were keeping the game going, hoping the rain would subside soon. But with time, the injuries kept piling up and several players of each team had to be taken off the field to be treated by the paramedics. The breaking point was when one of the quarterbacks had hurt his ankle so badly, they believed it to be broken.

Once again, the announcer’s voice roared from the speakers: “That’s it, folks, we’re gonna have to pick this up another time! Please get inside safely and don’t rush!”

Steve nudged Eddie in the side: “Let’s go!”

…

Back inside, Eddie took off his hood and rubbed his hands together. He was completely drenched and freezing and Steve didn’t seem to have gotten away any better despite his winter coat.

Steve looked like a sad, wet puppy: Big eyes, hair deflated, wet strands hanging in his face, rain dripping from the tip of his nose.

“Are you okay?” Eddie chuckled, the sight that Steve presented was just too cute.

“I can’t go back to my dorm…” Steve let out a groan of frustration.

“Why not?”

“Robin has invited Nancy over to our room.” He glanced over at Eddie. “We have a deal: I watch the game, they can have some alone time…” 

“Ooh.” 

Steve looked at his watch. “I have like 2 more hours to kill at least”, he said with a frown.

“You can come to my dorm”, Eddie offered. “I can help you warm up”, he added with a cheeky smirk.

“You’re ridiculous”, Steve laughed but followed Eddie to his dorm room.

…

Eddie lent Steve some sweatpants, a faded Metallica shirt and showed him to the bathroom where he could get changed.

Meanwhile, he threw his own wet clothes on the radiator, slipped into comfy pajama pants, a Black Sabbath shirt, and then frantically tried to clean up the place. Once he was done, it was still a mess, but he hoped Steve wouldn’t pay much attention to it.

“Thanks for the change of clothes, I already feel so much better”, Steve said, stepping out of the bathroom. He was rubbing his hair dry with a towel which made the already very small shirt ride up at his waist and expose a gorgeous dark trail of hair from his bellybutton to the rim of the sweatpants. 

“No problem…” Eddie’s voice trailed off as he glanced at Steve’s exposed skin and the way his shirt stretched over his pecs and biceps. 

Steve put both hands on his hips and let his gaze wander around Eddie’s side of the room. Posters of his favorite bands, like Metallica, Judas Priest and DIO, magazine cutouts and a few concert tickets were plastered all over the wall. A large banner that said CORRODED COFFIN in black and red distorted letters had been hung in the middle. An acoustic guitar was placed next to the TV at the foot of his bed.

“Corroded Coffin is your band, right?” Steve asked and pointed to the banner.

“Yeah“, Eddie answered, delighted that he remembered the name. 

“I’d love to hear you guys play someday.”

“I’m gonna convert you to a true metal fan, just so you know.”

“We’ll see about that”, Steve laughed.

Next, he wandered over to Eddie’s cluttered desk in the corner. It was covered with drawings, weirdly shaped dice, pencils and books. He picked up one of his books and raised an eyebrow.

“Dungeons and Dragons, huh? Sounds kinky…”

Eddie snorted. “Right…” 

Steve sat down on Eddie’s bed, stretched out his legs and put the towel around his neck.

“Do you wanna watch a movie?” Eddie asked. He was happy to see that Steve had already made himself comfortable on his bed. “Here”, he took his blanket and threw it over Steve’s legs.

“Thanks. Do you have Star Wars?”

Eddie’s face lit up, excited that Steve was a fan, too. He went over to his stack of VHS tapes next to the TV. “Sure, which one do you wanna watch?”

“The one with the teddy bears,” Steve replied with a confident grin.

“Really, Steve?” Eddie rolled his eyes at him.

“What?” Steve shrugged. 

“You’re lucky, you’re cute”, Eddie commented while looking for the right tape.

The characteristic Star Wars intro blared from the speakers. The bright yellow writing on the starry sky slowly floated over the screen, introducing the premise of the story. Eddie sat down on the bed next to Steve, who, without saying a word, lifted the blanket and Eddie snuck under it with him.

Smiling to himself, Eddie felt himself buzzing with excitement on the inside. He was ready to take it slow, but he also really wanted to kiss Steve again… 

Throughout the movie, Steve kept asking random questions like “Who’s that old guy again?” and commented “I have no idea what’s going on…” when the rebels around Han, Leia and Luke met up to discuss their plan to bring down the empire.

“I thought you’ve seen this before?” Eddie laughed, but Steve just shrugged.

Eddie shifted in his seat and sneakily scooted a little closer to Steve, snuggling against his side. They were practically cuddling by now and Eddie felt the energy shifting slightly as Steve leaned into the touch. 

“Han Solo is so hot”, Steve remarked about thirty minutes into the movie. 

“Dark cheeky rebels do it for you then, huh, Stevie?” Eddie teased.

“Maybe”, Steve whispered and suddenly there was a broad hand on Eddie’s thigh, giving it a little squeeze. His heart started beating faster. They were so close… Breathing in Steve’s wonderful sweet scent and gazing deep into his longing eyes made Eddie feel warm all over. 

Steve’s gaze dropped to his lips. “Can I kiss you?”

“Next time sure is here faster than I thought”, Eddie gave him a cocky grin.

“Shut up”, Steve laughed and pulled him into a soft kiss. 

The way Steve kissed him was exhilarating, Eddie felt like fireworks were bursting in his chest. He tilted his head and kissed him back impatiently while tugging on his waist to get him to come closer. Steve climbed into Eddie’s lap, both of his legs on either side of Eddie’s. He was met with Eddie’s arms wrapping around him immediately. 

“For the record, it’s called Return of the Jedi...”, he mumbled between kisses.

“Hmm?” 

“The movie. Star Wars Episode VI: Return of the Jedi”

Steve looked at him confused and with kiss swollen lips and flushed cheeks. “Is this your idea of making me swoon?” He asked with a huffed laugh.

Eddie grinned and sealed their mouths again. Steve’s fingers wandered into his hair and started drawing patterns into the nape of his neck, sending shivers over Eddie’s sensitive skin. 

They made out with the movie still playing behind them, neither of them paying attention. When Eddie playfully bit into Steve’s bottom lip, then licked over it apologetically, Steve suddenly let out a small moan. 

Eager to find out what other sweet sounds Steve would make, Eddie did it again, this time biting a little rougher. Steve let out another soft noise of pleasure.

“Eddie…”, he whispered and then his lips were on Eddie’s again, kissing him hungrily. “Eds… I really like you…” Steve said in a low voice, rolling his hips slowly in Eddie’s lap.

“Would be strange if you hated me since you’re in my lap and…” he teasingly grinded his hips upwards and Steve let out a choked whimper “...hard.”

“You don’t seem unaffected by this yourself…” Steve licked his lips and gazed at Eddie from under his long lashes. Experimentally, he drove his hips down harder.

“Stevie…” Eddie groaned and his hands moved to grip Steve’s hips, guiding his motions. 

“God, you’re so hot, why are you so hot…” Steve was almost slurring his words between kisses and driving his hips down into Eddie’s crotch.

Eddie answered by pulling Steve into a filthy kiss, greedily sliding his tongue inside his mouth, earning him another moan. His hand found its way under Steve’s, well, his t-shirt and brushed over his nipple. The lewd noise that Steve made went right to Eddie’s dick. Something hungry was building up in his belly, yearning for more.

“You’re driving me insane, you know that?” Eddie growled against Steve’s hot skin while kissing down his neck, licking and biting gently. “Lie down for me, okay?”

“Okay…” Steve let Eddie maneuver him until he was lying on his back, splayed out, letting his legs fall open for Eddie to fit snugly between them. But instead, Eddie got up.

“Hang on a second…” he said, grabbed one of his socks from the floor and put it on the outer doorknob of the room.

“Woah, you have high hopes”, Steve chuckled and raised an eyebrow at him. 

“Well, Stevie, I’d say that’s entirely your fault, laid out like this on my bed, looking like a snack!” Eddie just shrugged and laid on top of Steve and kissed him again before he could say anything else about the sock on the door.

“I still wanted to tell you… at the party, hmm” Steve broke off mid-sentence as Eddie was attacking his neck with wet kisses. “You looked so hot… the eyeliner and no shirt, just the jacket… I couldn’t stop staring at you.” 

“You’re one to talk, I wanted to rip that tiny white shirt right off… that chest hair, lemme see, please?” Eddie was tugging at his shirt and Steve sat up so Eddie could take it off.

Eddie immediately buried his face in Steve’s beautiful chest hair. Steve was all broad and hairy, whereas Eddie was more on the lean side and just sported a few hairs on his own chest. Steve’s tanned skin was peppered with moles all over his torso like little kisses and Eddie was determined to find every single one and kiss it himself.

He let out a pleased sigh and began to trace the shape of Steve’s pecs and gently took his nipple into his mouth. He flicked his tongue over it, then the other one, making Steve squirm under his touch.

“Ahh oooh, Eds!” Steve bucked up his hips. 

Eddie came up again to kiss him and rubbed his crotch back against Steve’s whose hands flew to Eddie’s butt, squeezing, spurring him on to give him that delicious friction.

“Steve…” Eddie purred over him and propped himself up on his elbows, stroking with one hand through Steve’s hair that stood up messily from his forehead. “Stevie, baby” he whispered again to get his attention.

“Yeah?” Steve looked utterly ravaged, blinking up at Eddie, trying so hard to concentrate. Eddie knew he was close, he felt it and saw it in his gaze.

“As much as I’d love to mindlessly hump you, Stevie, these are my last clean pants. The ones you’re wearing and mine.”

Steve let out a small frustrated groan. “So what do you propose?”

“Good old-fashioned handjob?” Eddie suggested with a grin.

“I’m up for that” Steve smiled. “But first, take this off please, I wanna see you, too” he pulled on Eddie’s shirt and slid it over his head.

“You have more tattoos!” Steve’s eyes went wide as he traced the tattoo on Eddie’s chest with his fingers.

“I do,” Eddie chuckled. “Planning on getting more, too.”

“Hot…” Steve said in a low voice as he admired Eddie. He reached up to cup his jaw and dragged him down into another kiss.

Eddie helped Steve tug down his sweatpants and underwear as well as his own. He felt his excitement grow upon seeing Steve’s heavy cock again, this time hard and up close. 

His mouth began to water. Another time maybe…

“Here, let me”, Steve offered as he wrapped his broad hand over both of their shafts. Eddie moaned loudly when Steve began to slowly pump his hand, using their precum to ease the glide. 

“Steve… oh god”, Eddie rocked into his hand.

“Feels good?” Steve’s voice sounded rough and filthy. Eddie felt the blood rush through his veins.

“Yeah… you’re amazing” Eddie whimpered shakily. “I’m close, Stevie.”

Steve gently rubbed his thumb over the sensitive underside of his swollen cockhead, taking Eddie by surprise and with a sudden cry, he spilled across Steve’s stomach. Encouraged by this and Eddie’s wrecked noises, Steve moved his hand faster and soon he was shooting his own big load onto his tummy and watched it mix with Eddie’s.

Both of them were breathing heavily. Eddie bent down to give Steve a tender kiss. “I like you, too, you know… In case you didn’t know already.” Steve gave him a stunning smile, eyes gleaming, cheeks pink. Eddie peppered a few more kisses to the corner of his mouth and his cheeks. 

After cleaning themselves up, they cuddled up under the blanket again. They watched the rest of the movie while laughing, kissing, enjoying each other’s company and eventually Eddie asked: “Do you wanna stay here tonight?” 

Steve was sitting in his lap again, with his back to Eddie’s chest, Eddie’s arms around him. “Don’t you think Jonathan will be back at some point?” 

“I’m pretty sure he’ll just go over to Argyle’s and sleep there”, Eddie replied and gave him a suggestive look. “With the sock still on the door…”

“I guess I can stay then.” Steve smiled.

“Awesome! Let’s order some food and then… How about The Lost Boys next?” Eddie grinned.

…

Jonathan had been at the photo lab after the football game had been canceled and was now making his way back to the dorm. It was already dark out and he wanted nothing more than to lie down with a good book. As he approached his dorm, he noticed a white tennis sock hanging on the doorknob and he stopped in his tracks.

He did see Eddie and Steve sitting next to each other on the bleachers and he had hoped they’d talked things through. So hopefully it was them in there… talking.

He grinned to himself and turned around.

Jonathan knocked on the door, heart racing in his chest as he clutched his bag and waited.

The door swung open and Argyle, long dark hair flowing over his shoulders, stood in the doorframe. His face lit up once he saw it was Jonathan.

“Hey!”

“Hi,” Jonathan smiled shyly. “My dorm is occupied tonight, can I stay with you?”

“Absolutely, come on in!”

tag list: @starlady66 @fenharel-enaste @queenmeriadoc @elronds-pointy-ears @hbyrde36 @hammity-hammer @corrodedbisexual @spoookysix @rozzieroos @cranberrymoons

devider by @firefly-graphics

[nhlmcfilthy]

Could End in Burning Flames or Paradise

I have no idea about any of the real time events, I'm assuming they both made it to the NHL right away, given their high pick status, and I'm not about to go do research on this friends, I just wanna write some dirty stuff about them being horny for each other, ok? Don't focus too much on the specifics, k?

Warnings: absolute smut (eventually). Rimming, hand jobs, light dom/sub. Not really orgasm denial but definitely asking first. I feel like there’s more to this fic, maybe a second instalment?

Word count: 7K (whoops)

The Leon Draisaitl has a problem. Specifically, Leon Draisaitl has a Connor McDavid problem. Like, he's happy to have Connor on the team - thrilled actually. A generational talent like that playing with him, it's the dream, really. He couldn't be happier than that. He spent the off season watching videos of Connor, he sees how he trains and takes care of his body. The jokes about how he's more robot than hockey player don't phase him, Leon's German, he appreciates a well run machine. He's just....distracted. Now that Connor is here and in the change room and Leon is seeing him close up, his sort of secret, not-really-a-crush-just-an-appreciation-of-his-talent-shut-up-ok THING is a problem. He's had crushes on guys before and it hasn't been a big deal, but there's something about Connor that's just magnetic to him. He can’t stop thinking about him. He FEELS him entering the room. It's like the room is getting smaller and smaller and that it's just them. All the clichés he's heard before. He just doesn't know what to do.

The first time Connor takes off his shirt in the locker room his brain sort of short circuits. He starts thinking about being on the beach with him, and how nice it would be to just like, put sunscreen all over him. Innocent enough, then he's pulling down his shorts a bit (just in case they ride down when he's tanning or playing with a football or something. Everyone knows you have to put sunscreen just under where the clothing line is...) and then Connor is looking at him with a devious look in his eye, saying he can go lower if he wants, and Leon is just...salivating. Like, he can't believe this, and then...then he's right back in the dressing room and Connor McDavid IS talking to him but he's got his base layer on and he's looking at him like he's probably said something an embarrassing amount of time ago and Leon has just been staring and good job, Leon, you should probably say something now. "Hey, Connor, Leon. Sorry, I’m still working on Germany time. So nice to meet you, great to have you on the team" and he salvages the moment, he thinks. Gotta keep it under control Leon.

Most players in the locker room don't care that he's gay, but he doesn't need to make a fool of himself here. Connor is so new here and already has the pressure of the world on him, you're just welcoming him to the team. He also doesn’t know if Connor is gay, and it’s only training camp and you don’t want to be awkward with the new superstar.

So if Leon goes home and he can't sleep that night and he looks up videos of Connor playing and working out and if he gets hard and jerks off (just a little, most of the time he's picturing Sebastian Vettel, anyways, it's just the videos of Connor that get him going) nobody needs to know, right? He tells himself he can keep it in check.

But training camp is grueling, and he's tired, and he's paired with Connor a lot, both young stars, it makes sense. And if he gets exhausted and slips into a fantasy here and there, he can't help it.

Connor is actually really sweet about it. He brings Leon an extra coffee the next morning and he also seems to think that Leon is maybe dehydrated and gets the training staff to give him extra Gatorade. He's even chatted about nutrition and Leon managed to have a totally normal conversation that time. He did not fantasize about feeding Connor chocolate dipped strawberries. Shut up brain, not now!

They have amazing chemistry on the ice, and Leon knows he should be offering to hang out more often, but Connor is actually pretty shy (and has a really strict regime/schedule) and Leon is honestly afraid to ask him anything cause he's pretty sure it'll just come out as something like "hey Connor you wanna come over and watch movie but I'm just going to be watching you and thinking about what your mouth around my cock would look like or my hands on your hips and I fuck you over the edge of this couch" and he can't really say that now, can he? There’s not much downtime anyways and Connor is always getting pulled into media.

Hockey wise, they are seriously tearing it up on the ice. He’s challenging himself to keep up every day and he seems to be the only one who can. He’s bagged at the end of the day, but like, nobody else is close to keeping up with him. He thinks he’ll have a chance to actually play on a line with Connor. He’ll just have to get used to the cellys. Their body running into each other, slamming into the boards, Connor grabbing his helmet and tucking Leon’s head into his shoulder, or throwing his arms around Leon’s waist, its…a lot. Leon is thankful for all the all the equipment he’s wearing and he rushes to the the showers directly after and takes the longest, coldest shower known to man. It’s going to get exhausting.

After the game Connor is feeling pretty jacked. All the guys are. Preseason game or not, Connor McDavid is on their team and things are looking good. Connor and Leon have been having more normal conversations where Leon can mostly control his fantasies, and then Connor comes over and slings his arm around Leon’s shoulders. He’s so close to Connor’s face and Connor is basically talking into his ear. His breath is hot on Leon’s cheek. Leon sinks into the feeling then freezes. He doesn’t want it to stop, but he also doesn’t know what to do. He’s just got his shorts on and his brain has already gone on overdrive. He’s picturing Connor putting his other arm around him the pushing his body up against Leon’s. Lining up with Leon’s ass, he can feel Connor’s dick hard and grinding into him, maybe nibbling on his ear lobe and oh no, Connor is looking at him again. Leon sort of shrugs Connor off him and he runs to the bathroom and changes quickly. Thankfully this time his body hasn’t quite caught up with his brain but he knows that was kind of an awkward move. Connor is sitting in his stall (which happens to be next to Leon’s) when Leon comes back out, looking a bit dejected. He catches Leon’s eye on the way back and Leon kinda can’t avoid it. “Sorry if I'm too handsy, I’ve been playing with Mitch Marner for the last couple years, I forget not everyone wants some guy all over them. Even I don’t like it really, just got used to it. Marns has no personal boundaries” he laughs and he’s smiling so much and Leon says it’s ok and just kinda nods a lot takes as much clothes as he can without being weird to the showers and when he’s done, Connor is doing media again.

So when Eberle hosts a party at the end of the week Leon is a bit worried. He’s never been so excited, never been so tired, and never been so horny in his life. Everything is just turned up to 11. He promises himself he’s going to take it easy, but he’s still a young guy on the team and he’s being fed drinks by Nuge and Ebs and he’s feeling a bit drunk. After a few drinks though, he actually feels great. He’s not all anxious and stressed. He’s dead tired, yes, but he can sleep it off. He’s not feeling like a tightly wound like a guitar string, ready to snap. He sees Connor across the room and he looks a bit lost. Leon just thinks “I can do this” and goes over to him. When Connor sees him coming he lights up and waves him over, clearing space on the love seat. He’s out on the deck and as far as Leon had seen, he’s had a bunch of short one on one conversations, but nobody’s really stayed in conversation too long. It must be kinda lonely being Connor McDavid, he thinks. Placed on this pedestal, so high above everyone else. No one else in even close to his level, and he’s basically only lived and breathed hockey up till now. Leon feels a bit bad for him and as he strolls across the room, he tries to put every sexy thought about Connor McDavid in a box and close it up. He sits on the couch and Connor moves over, giving Leon plenty of space, but Leon feels brave so he brings a leg up, sitting sideways across the couch, pressing his shin against Connors thigh. “How’s it going Connor” Leon smiles. The two chat for a while and eventually Connor does confide that he thinks people find it hard to talk to him, hard to relate. Leon knows pressure, he’s the highest ever drafted German player. He’s no Connor McDavid, but he’s got the hopes and dreams of Germany on his back and he feels it sometimes. They’re chatting and drinking and relaxing seems to weirdly be the answer. Leon is actually enjoying having a conversation, leaning in, Connor puts his arm up along the back of the couch and Leon doesn’t imagine holding in down and crawling on top of him (or if he does, it's in the back of his mind, easier to ignore). Eventually they’re both a bit loaded and talking about their childhoods and friends and stuff and Leon is leaning more and more into the places where Connor is touching his body, but it’s loose and light and he's mostly able to focus on the conversation and then Connor puts his hand on Leon’s thigh and he’s not even aware of it but Leon’s brain just flips and switch and he can’t stop it and he just looks at Connor and says “I want you to ride me until you beg me to let you cum” and then he freezes. Shit. He knew getting drunk was a bad idea. Connor is staring at him, head cocked sideways like a puppy. He doesn’t look mad, just confused. Leon wonders if he even said it out loud, but he’s pretty sure he did. Connor finally speaks “dude, we’re you just speaking German to me? How drunk are you?” and he laughs, throwing his arm around Leon and messing up his hair. Somehow, amazingly, he didn’t fuck this up. Also, now that he’s said it out loud, he kinda feels more relaxed. It’s like saying it got something out of his system. He wrestles his head from Connor’s grip and fixes his hair. He even reaches over and messes up Connor’s a bit. They spend the rest of the night chatting and if Leon drops a few German curse words in when he feels like Connor is being just a bit too sexy for him, who’s the wiser.

The next day the have a late practice and of course they get bag skated because everyone knows they’re hungover. Leon is bone tired. He passed out as soon as he got home last night but doesn’t feel like he slept a bit. Connor looks sort of the same. His hair is all messed up but he honestly looks amazing. He has morning sex hair and it’s not fair and Leon tells him so. Still half asleep and also exhausted, he defaults to German again, and then remembers his realization from last night. He looks away from Connor and continues to mumble to himself “you look like you just woke up after being fucked so hard you forgot your name. I want to fuck you in your stall, you riding me while holding on to the hooks, screaming my name.” He tries to make it sound boring and monotone, and he’s fairly successful, but his breath does catch at the end. Connor just rolls his eyes at him like “typical Leon” so this is a thing now. Leon is thrilled. Finally it feels like he can function. This is brilliant. Him and Connor go out for dinner after practice and he has a great time keeping up the conversation, but also mentioning in German about how he’d love to be jacking Connor off underneath the table right now.

Leon’s tendency to mumble in German or strait up forget he’s speaking German in the locker room is well known after a couple months, so when Connor comes in and says good morning Leon just nods and then Taylor looks over and rolls his eyes “they already have a sick connection on the ice, now they’re speaking German. There’s no hope for any of us to catch up” and Leon hadn’t realized that Connor had said good morning in German. He does a double take at Connor and the Canadian’s face just lights up. “I’ve, uh, been looking up some German words” and he looks so shy and bashful and Leon absolutely wants to wipe that look from his memory but also save it forever. Leon composes himself and shoves Connor a bit and jokes “you’re gonna learn how to say ‘pass the puck’ so that I just get you more assists” and Connor smiles and yes, that was the right hockey chirp in that moment. Leon regroups later at home, thinking about what this means. Most curse words he’s using are slang and not the kind that the internet will provide without digging, and it’s not like Connor has all this free time, but still, he should be careful. The next time he mumbles something in German he keeps an eye on Connor and he can see him trying but comes up blank and then it barely looks like he’s paying attention at all after a while so he stops worrying so much.

He’s gotten better at hanging out with Connor, but it’s definitely followed by some furious jerking off when he gets home. He has to do something about it, otherwise he goes back to being grumpy Leon but he’s got this balance worked out. He’s stopped feeling bad about jerking off to his friend’s body because he’s sure there’s a whole bunch of gay dudes all over the world who are into hockey and into Connor doing it too, so why should he feel bad? Just cause he knows him and is friends with him, does that make it weird? He can’t think about it too much. It’s more of just a release and it’s working.

One day after a series of losses on a road trip they’re all piling into the locker room dropping off their stuff. Connor and Leon are sitting side by side in their lockers. They sat together on the plane and Connor fell asleep on Leon and drooled a little on his arm. Leon’s just thinking about how much he’d love to see Connor drooling from sucking his cock and Connor looked all ashamed when he woke up and he’s all soft and sleepy now, dozing off again half on Leon and so he just mumbled “God Connor, you look so fucking sexy I just want to take you into the therapy room, bend you over the massage table and eat your ass until you’re begging for my dick. Then I want to fuck you until until I fill you up with my cum” and Connor suddenly sits up, eyes wild and looks at Leon, looks at the therapy room, then looks at Leon again. Shit. Leon looks around then looks at Connor when he’s satisfied no one is paying attention to them “how much of that did you understand” Connor also glances around surreptitiously and looks sheepish and is blushing quite a lot. “Well , I know you mentioned the therapy room, and uh, I think you said something about” he pauses and drops his voice in to a whisper and it also drops about an octave and gets all gravelly “about fucking me and my ass and uh, um, uh eating it?” He looks at Leon then quickly looks away. His face is so red and he’s got his arm across his chest, like he’s protecting himself and he’s rubbing at his neck. “Jesus fucking Christ McDavid, are you good at everything” Leon says and Connor laughs, but stops and just looks at Leon. He’s waiting for confirmation. He’s put himself out on a limb here, and Leon is fucking it up again. “Um, yes, I did say that to you.” Connor swallows hard. Leon can see his Adams apple move and his own breath hitches. He doesn’t want to hope, but it feels like this could happen? That all the filthy fantasies that he’s told Connor about in a language that apparently he just learned over the last couple months could come to fruition. He can’t back down now. He doesn’t want to. But he has to make sure Connor can back down if he wants. He musters up all the confidence he has (which is a lot, he’s a professional athlete, but also he’s just a guy who has had a huge crush for a long time and is really laying it on the line here) and leans in to Connor and whispers in his ear “what’s the play, McDavid, you in or out?” He leans back and smirks a bit. Connor looks a bit like he’s going to back out, and then a smirk breaks out of the corner of his mouth “fuck yeah, let’s do this.” Leon can’t breathe for a second. He thinks about asking Connor to pinch him, but that’s too cheesy and he is also very aware of how real this is by how very uncomfortable his pants have become. He stands up as coolly as possible and looks around. Luckily most of the vets have shuffled off and he thinks he can command this room. “All right everyone out, McJesus here needs to do some special workouts in the therapy room and he doesn’t want to get embarrassed by the whiny noises he makes. He sounds like a fucking porno.” The guys look around and laugh and totally buy it. Leon and Connor have been spending a bunch of time together and also an unwritten rule of the team is whatever McDavid wants, he gets. Connor looks incredulous and Leon even thinks he catches a glimpse of him adjusting himself in his shorts. Leon quickly runs though his head of all the things that he wants to do to Connor, but there’s just too many and then everyone is gone and it’s just the two of them and Connor is looking at him expectantly. “We, uh, we doing this Drai?” Leon strides by him and turns his head back once he’s walked by “fuck yeah we are” and walks in the room and holds the door open.

Leon walks inside once Connor is in the room and locks the door cause you just can’t be too careful. He looks at Connor and breathes deeply. His voice steady and a tad bit lower than he expected when he instructs Connor to take off his clothes. Leon doesn’t move to help him. He doesn’t move to kiss him or touch his face. Just makes Connor strip in front of him. He can hear a slight noise form in Connor’s throat, almost like a moan he holds back, and Leon smirks. Connor looks up once he’s just in his boxers “umm, did you want me to take everything off or…” he looks at Leon, unsure. “Yes, hotshot. You want me to eat that ass or not?” Connor almost trips getting out of his boxers. “You gonna answer me, kid?” Leon asks even though Connor is only two years younger than him. He is a rookie after all. “Uh, yes, yes very much I’d like you to. You know. Do that” Connor says, almost running out of breath at the end, and then he manages to get some dignity back and looks Leon dead in the eye with glint of danger and says “you want me to call you sir or something?” Leon seriously considers it, and thinks about what he really wants, but he doesn’t want to push it just yet, so he just looks back and says “Leon will do for now. Now turn around and put your hands on the table” he says, in the same measured, monotone voice. Connor obliges. Leon wants to say to hell with the formalities, but he also needs to know what he’s getting into. “Have you ever done this before, Connor?” Connor sort of shifts like he’s going to turn around, then decides to just talk to the massage table. “No. I’ve never been with a guy and I’ve never” his voice gets breathy “I’ve never had my ass eaten either.” Leon smiles. “And you’re ok with me cumming inside of you? We’ve both been tested, but I want to make sure” Leon spreads a hand against Connor’s back and feels him jump a bit, but then arch into his hand “oh god yes Leon.” He sounds like a kids from a 50’s sitcom (oh golly gee, yes Leon), but it also gets Leon kinda hot. “Ok Connor. You let me know if I do anything you don’t like” Connor pushes his ass shamelessly up in the air towards Leon “I don’t know if that’s possible” and Leon has to swallow hard.

Leon takes a hand and smooths it down the arc of Connor’s ass, trailing his thumb along the inside. He feels Connor gasp and then hold his breath for a bit. Leon takes his other hand off Connor’s back and pulls open his ass cheeks. Leon takes deep breath, leans in and just breathes out into the puckering hole in front of him. Connor’s whole body reacts. He sees Connor’s leg muscles tense, his back arch, he’s pretty sure he throws his head back like a fucking porn star. God this is going to be good. “How are we doing so far?” Leon asks and Connor stutters as he answers “g-g-good Leon. Fuck, so good.” Leon chuckles and breathes out little short breaths into Connor’s ass cheeks. He plants small kisses on Connor's ass, hovering over the hole, but not quite going there. Connor is whining and trying to back into him and Leon warns him by firmly pushing him back into the table "stay fucking still." Connor sounds like a fucking child when he says "but you're driving me crazy" Leon backs up a bit "oh, you want me to stop?" Leon feels Connor's whole body react to that "please no god, sorry Leon, I'll behave" Leon thinks about it for a second and then pulls a hand off Connor's ass, winds up, and slaps it. Connor groans and Leon smiles "you fucking better"

Leon puts both hands on Connor's ass again and spreads his cheeks. He flattens his tongue, licking all around the hole smoothly across the skin. After Connor relaxes into it, he starts pressing in. Connor pressing back into it, puffing out air as an involuntary response. No noise, just breath. Leon fucks him slowly but firmly with his tongue. It's been such a long time since Leon has done this, and it's really one of his favourite things to do, but he knows it a lot the first time, and he really wants to get to the main event here. He slows down and lets go of Connor's ass. He thought Connor would wine again, but he's just leaning into the table breathing hard. "You like that, Connor?" Leon says, stroking up his back. "That is" Connor says between breaths "the best fucking thing to happen to me, ever" Connor manages to get out. "And I was drafted number one in the NHL" he adds, slyly, getting a chuckle from Leon.

“I don’t have any lube, so we’re just going to have to improvise” Leon says, then leans forward again and reaches around to grab Connor’s dick. Connor chokes a high pitched moan out and Leon strokes him for a second, then thumbs over the tip, collecting precum on his thumb and then lets go. Connor whines and Leon assures him “the next bit is going to be even better than that, don’t worry” Leon says before he sticks his fingers in his mouth. He sucks on them a bit, while rubbing the thumb covered in precum over Connor’s hole with the other hand. He removes his fingers from his mouth and between Connor's fluids, the wetness from Leon's mouth, and Leon's fingers, he's able to work two fingers into Connor pretty easily. Connor eagerly takes them, once again, trying to back into them and Leon has to use one hand to hold down the younger boy's hips. "Leon, fuck, Leon that's so good. Shit. Pleasedontstop" Leon is slowly working his fingers in and out the tight hole, starting to think about himself here. He has been achingly hard in his pants for too long now. He's been able to ignore it up until now, solely focused on Connor's enjoyment, and having a good time himself, but his dick is begging to be paid attention to.

Connor feels more relaxed and after a few more thrusts with his fingers. Leon says "I think you're ready, Connor" pulling his fingers out. Once again, Connor just takes the time to catch his breath and doesn't complain. Leon takes off his shirt, pants, and boxers and gets a hand on himself. He sighs a sigh of relief, finally getting to touch himself. Slowly stroking he checks in with Connor again "how are you doing, Connor?" Connor is resting on the massage table, using it to support all his weight. "Please, Leon. Please" Leon squeezes his dick and moans with pleasure "please what, Connor?" Connor whimpers "Please fuck me. I need you. I need to feel your dick inside me now" Leon's knees buckle a bit. He's not sure he's going to be able to last very long, but likely neither will Connor. "Alright Connor, fuck, I'm gonna fuck you now" and Connor pulls himself back up on his elbows and Leon lines up with Connor's hole and he slowly presses in.

Connor has been sufficiently prepped, but Leon still takes care and moves in slowly. Connor starts backing up into Leon, but once Leon has started pressing in, he stops and cries out a bit. "Hey, Connor, take your time, slow down. You doing ok?" Leon asks, Connor gulps "yeah, it's just. A lot" Leon steadies himself. Letting Connor adjust to the feeling. "You let me know when you're ready for me to move again Connor" Leon says and Connor nods. Leon strokes up and down Connor's back, and finally Connor relaxes a bit more "ok, I'm good" and Leon starts moving in again slowly. It's excruciating, but also exciting. Knowing Connor is going to grow and stretch around him, and he has to close his eyes and hold back a couple of times cause he's getting pretty close himself. He’s never fucked somebody he cared about this much, and he's never been anyone's first time. He hooks up at bars and online, but this is totally foreign and kind of intense. Leon's proud to be Connor's first time. He wants it to be perfect. Connor is just so eager and feels so good around him. He's got a rhythm going now, each time pushing in a bit further and when he finally bottoms out, both him and Connor groan in unison. "God Connor, you're so tight, you feel so fucking good" Leon moans. Connor just rests his head against the massage table and hums in approval. He's starting to move with the rhythm, backing into Leon and Leon is beginning to feel overwhelmed.

Everything he's held back for the last couple months, every single fantasy he's had, it barely lives up to the real thing. He's fucking Connor McDavid and there is nothing better in the world. Connor is starting to moan and whine and move erratically and Leon leans over and asks "do you want to touch yourself Connor" and the younger man gasps and pushes up and reaches down to his cock. He turns around to look at Leon to make sure and Leon just nods. Connor wraps his hand around his dick and loses his footing a bit. His knees buckle and Leon grabs tightly onto his hips to steady him. Connor is stroking himself sloppily, moaning nonsense, but Leon makes out his name so he asks 'what do you want Connor?" Connor's speech is almost slurred when he replies "Leon, can I?" Leon closes his eyes and steadies himself knowing that his own release won't be much longer after Connor's. "Can you what, Connor?" He asks coolly. Connor works hard to keep his composure "can I cum Leon" he says. Leon bucks a little harder into Connor, and elicits a shout, but Leon calmly says "yes Connor, you can cum" and he feels Connor begin to stroke faster and everything gets tighter around his dick and Connor is moving so much and Leon is trying to steady him. Connor starts babbling and there's a series of "oh, oh fuck, oh fuck Leon. Shit, fuck, I think I'm gonna. I'm gonna cum, fuck" and then a tortured moan comes out and he's clenching all around Leon's dick and Leon is barely holding on here. Hearing Connor's reaction, hearing him say his name, knowing that it's Leon that made Connor feel this way, feeling him clench so tightly, Leon's starting to come undone. He grips tighter to Connor's hips, knowing that he's going to leave a bruise, and starts to feel his release coming. "Connor, you've been so fucking good, I'm gonna fill you up now. Fuck, Connor, you feel So Fucking Good” he say, punctuating each thrust. Connor is still stroking himself and Leon thinks he must be pretty raw at this point, but he keeps going and Leon finally releases with a groan. His knuckles are tight where they are gripping Connor’s hips and he is definitely going to leave bruises, but he thinks that Connor might enjoy having these little memories of tonight. He’s certainly going to enjoy seeing them later in the locker room and well, that’s something to file for next time. He releases his grip and takes Connor’s hand in his and slows him down until he’s let go of his dick completely. He still seems pretty dazed, the side of his face laying against the massage table. Leon is still inside Connor, and he leans over to whisper in Connor’s ear causing Connor to whimper as Leon’s still hard dick pushes deeper inside. Leon shudders as well. “You did so good, Connor” Leon croons into his ear. “So good for me. Did you have a good time?” Connor makes a noise somewhere between a grunt and a moan and tries to nod his head. Leon lets go of Connor and brings his hand up to stroke his face. “I’m gonna pull out now, and do you know what’s going to happen?” Connor tries to shake his head but just ends up looking at Leon questioningly. “I’m going to pull out and all my cum is going to leak out of your asshole where I filled you up.” Connor melts a little bit and Leon steadies him. “You made me cum so much, there’s going to be a lot.” Leon keeps stroking Connor’s face, making his way to his neck and keeping firm pressure on the back of Connor’s neck and upper back. “It’s going to drip down and feel so nice, and do you know what I like to do with it?” Leon asks, slowly stroking down Connor’s back “I like to clean it all up with my tongue” and Connor is sinking again. “Do you think you’d like that, or do you want to stop for tonight?” Leon says as he takes Connor’s hips again, trying to avoid the spots that are blossoming into bruises. “I…” Connor stutters “I want it. Fuck, Leon, I want it so bad, please Leon”

Leon wishes he had a his phone so he could record this as a voice note. It’s like the best porn, hearing Connor say that. Leon steadies himself and slowly pulls out of Connor, who whimpers a bit, but manages to stay still. Leon’s cock is followed by a trail of cum, slowly leaking out. Leon grabs a cloth and wipes himself off, and then puts both hands on Connor’s ass cheeks again. It’s like a bookend of rim jobs, and Leon thinks about how lucky Connor is to have him do this. Not in a cocky way, just the fact that someone has taken care during his first time.

Leon directs his attention back to Connor and sees that the cum has made its way down as far as his right knee. Leon starts there, licking up the inside of Connor’s thigh and under the swell of his ass, gathering it in to the hole and then licking it all up with his tongue and swallowing. Connor’s legs are shaking and he is lying on the massage table and using it to support most of his weight. His face is turned into the mattress and his eyes are pressed closed. His mouth is open, just a little bit. Leon continues licking around and cleaning up all the cum. He loves following the lines of liquid and getting every last bit. He appreciates a clean surface. When he’s done he presses kissing on the insides of Connor’s cheeks and squeezes the swell of his ass.

Connor is fully hard again and Leon runs a hand up and down his back “do you think you can cum again, Connor?” Connor hesitates “I’m not sure. I want to, but it’s so…so much” “I know baby” Leon strokes Connor’s back slowly and Connor basically mewls at the nickname. “Do you like it when I call you baby?” Leon asks, already knowing the answer. “Yes” Connor whispers, turning his face back into the massage table. “Don’t be ashamed, baby. I’d love to call you that” Leon says, knowing what he wants to ask, but not knowing if he should. It’s like, the ultimate fantasy, and this has already shattered his wildest fucking dreams, he doesn’t want to ruin in. Fuck it, though. He wants it, and he’s going to ask for it. “Connor, I’d really like it very much if you called me daddy, do you think you could do that?” Connor swallows heavily “yes daddy” he says breathlessly, and fuck. Leon thinks his brain is going to explode and his dick is also very interested in this now. “Thank you baby, you’re so good to daddy. Do you want me to finish you off? We can do it together” and Connor looks back and Leon and nods. “I’m going to need you to stand up, baby” Leon says, stepping back from the massage table. Connor closes his eyes and takes a second “yes daddy” Connor says and Leon smiles.

Connor pushes himself up and stands up facing Leon, who then steps towards Connor and cups his face. Leon looks at Connor and realizes that they haven’t kissed yet. A weird omission, but I guess it kinda started all hot and heavy, and that’s the way Leon likes it, but this feels more like a sweet moment. Leon leans in and presses his lips against Connor’s. Connor presses in hard and starts opening his mouth. Licking into Leon’s, full of desire. Leon pushes his tongue into Connor’s mouth, chasing the other boy’s tongue. He wonders if Connor can taste Leon’s cum, and his own ass. Leon is aching with how perfect this has been. How Connor has fulfilled every fantasy. He reaches down and grabs his and Connor’s cocks together in one hand and starts jerking them, hard. They’re both still slicked up with cum and they’re both raw and on the just the other side of uncomfortable. Connor is whining and sucking on Leon’s tongue and Leon pulls his tongue out of Connor’s mouth and bites on his lip, sucking hard afterwards. He makes his way to suck on Connor’s ear lobe while they both take some breaths. “You like this, baby?” Connor is breathing hot against Leon’s shoulder, leaning on him to hold himself up. “Yes daddy, you’re so good to me, daddy, I’m gonna cum again for you” and Leon smiles and takes a quick nip on Leon’s neck before sucking a large mark. “I just want to let everyone know you’re mine, baby” Leon said and Connor nuzzles his face into Leon’s neck, mumbling. Leon isn’t gonna last much longer, and he’s pretty sure if he told Connor to cum now, he’d be ready to go. “Do you want to cum again for me, baby?” Leon whispers on Connor’s ear “yes daddy, so badly” Connor mouths onto Leon’s neck. “Ask nicely” Leon says. “Please daddy, can I cum now?” Connor asks. Leon’s starting to feel his own orgasm coming from the friction of his hand and Connor is bucking into it causing frictions on their dicks. Leon whispers “cum for me baby” in Connor’s ear and nibbles on his ear lobe as he feels Connor start to shake and fall apart. “I’m…I’m…im cumming for you daddy, oh god, oh fuuuuuck” Connor cries as he falls into Leon, and Leon struggles to hold them both up.

He leans Connor against the massage table after a few seconds and finishes jerking himself off, looking at the tired and spent Connor McDavid and replaying his favourite parts from tonight in his brain. He has a lot of material for later. He cums loud and hard and Connor just stares at him, looking dazed, but very satisfied. He wipes up again and walks up to Connor, bent over the massage table again. “Why don’t you lie down for a bit, it’s ok, I’ve got you, I’ll take care of you” Leon says, helping Connor onto the table. He finds a towel and he cleans Connor up. He finds his boxers and puts them on and grabs two more towels. “I’ll be right back, you just relax, I’ll take care of you baby” Leon says as he unlocks the room. Connor lies in the dark, collecting his thoughts and coming back to his body and soon enough Leon returns with two warm, wet towels. He puts one on Connor’s forehead, and uses the other to clean himself and Connor up, uttering soothing sounds, telling Connor how good he was. “So good for me, I hope you had a good time.” Connor grabs Leon’s arm and looks him in the eye “fuck, that was, I didn’t even know it could feel that good. Shit Leon. I mean, daddy” and he blushes. Leon looks down at Connor lovingly “you can call me Leon again. We’ll save daddy for in the moment stuff. You don’t want to slip up in the locker room” and Connor nods, squeezing Leon’s arm. “I don’t think I can move, can you carry me home?” and Leon cracks up at that. The idea that he fucked superstar Connor McDavid so good that he can’t move and needs to be carried, that’s something he’s going to hold onto until the grave. “You’re good, big guy” Leon says tapping Connor’s side “let’s get you home” he said collecting Connor’s clothes. They think about showering again, but it’s already late and they are super tired. Leon watches Connor get dressed, proud when he winces over a bruise, or walks a bit delicately from getting fucked, and he swells with pride. “Wanna stay at my place tonight? We can stop by yours on the way and get anything you might need for the morning?” Connor nods and smiles. Leon grabs another towel and a spray bottle and cleans up the rest of their mess. He takes all their used towels and throws them in a laundry basket. Leon sees Connor just standing there and comes up behind him, kissing the back of his neck, sliding his hands up Connor’s shirt in the front and running them over his chest. Connor hums. He turns around to face Leon and puts his hands on the small of Leon’s back. Leon steps into Connor and places a hand on the back or Connor’s neck. He brings their bodies together and when their dicks meet, even fully clothed, Connor hisses inwardly. Leon smiles and said “so good, baby” and kisses Connor’s lips. Connor smiles and after a quick kiss says “learning German was really worth it” and Leon doubles over laughing. He can’t breathe. He’s starting to feel the day and the last hour catching up to him. “Let’s go home, Connor” Leon guides him out of the room and into the locker room as they gather their stuff. “So” Connor looks at Leon while he’s throwing some gear in his bag and asks “is this just a one time thing, or…” and Leon smiles “you think that short of shit happens all the time, rookie?” Connor blushes “you know what I mean” and Leon sits next to him and leans in “I don’t plan on letting you get away any time soon. That was the best sex I’ve had in my life and guess what? It’s only going to get better” he plants a kiss on Connor’s cheek and squeezes his hand. “Now let’s get going, some of us didn’t get to lie down!” Connor rolls his eyes at Leon, but he’s still looking at him like he’s the best thing he’s ever seen. And he probably is. And they’re going to play hockey together for a time. And also sometimes, they’re going to fuck. And Connor wouldn’t want anything else.

[hadesoftheladies]

sure, the agony of awareness of how wide and vast and deep misogyny goes and the betrayal of the trusted men in your life is painful when it comes to radical feminism. the awareness of the brutalization and violence women and girls face around the world is devastating 100%

but it’s so so worth it for the POWER that you get. knowledge is power. it’s like how menacing shapes in a shadowy room look until you turn on the lights. once you know what it is, you’re just less scared of it.

I’m way more wary of men but I’m also way less scared of them. The evil in the world is no longer a mysterious metaphysical force. I know where the oppression, war, and savagery are coming from. I know why it works like this. Knowing why men and society behave how they do also makes anticipating individual’s actions and cultural shifts easier. I’m not afraid of the future. I’m not uncertain and I’m not unsure about myself.

Women and girls are gaslit from day one about what it means to be a woman under patriarchy. But radical feminism cleared the noise from my head until I could see my experiences clearly. My memories were less fractured, my thinking less scattered, because I recognized how REAL my experiences were and how accurate my impressions of them were. it’s like the pieces are now a whole. My mind is now quieter, with less noise. I can think clearer, which means I can’t be easily bullshitted.

Also, for all the atrocities I’m now aware of, I’m also far from hopeless. I mean, I’ve given up on men. I don’t think they’ll be normal or well adjusted for many more generations way past my lifetime, but I also 100% believe that women and girls don’t have to wait until then to create for themselves lives full of joy, love and freedom. I do think we gain freedom, even in the face of pushback. The funny thing is, the more men try to punish women for resisting, the more aware other women and girls become, the more fuel is added to the resistance. consciousness-raising is probably higher than it’s ever been because of the internet and globalization. women everywhere are able to talk to each other way more about our experiences. men simply can’t keep punishing that without getting pushback. and they can’t kill us all because they’re angry :), they need us more than we’ll ever need them. can’t kill us without killing themselves.

Idk it’s like I’ve gotten rid of the viruses and now things are running better. No makeup, no self-policing, no pressure to conform to femininity, knowing where all the societal disapproval is coming from . . . Less mental distortions and less self-esteem issues and more confidence and more inner peace and more energy and hope than ever. Because im not intimidated by the threat anymore. the lights are on. it’s just a man-made fluke that will not survive the sweeping of time. it’s a sociological contagion, not destiny. It cant hold up forever. It’s breakable. Not in this context, anyways. Men are as malleable as mud in a stream. Programmable. They’re human beings, and like all things change and erode.

Total liberation won’t happen in my lifetime, but you know what is happening in my lifetime? Women and girls dancing to their favorite music. Falling in love, going out to eat their favorite foods and watch their favorite movies, bonding over experiences and memes, screaming at concerts, trying new things whether or not they’re male dominated, going to the gymn and arm wrestling, playing football and learning kung fu, getting paid for art exhibits, creating music that lives in the heads of billions, writing amazing stories that get distributed far and wide, getting kissed and nuzzled by animals, driving fast cars and racing on motorcycles, cutting up their clothes, getting that pregnancy terminated and living free of dread, ditching their wedding gowns and going to the club, making the people around them laugh their ribs sore, healing the past, moving forward as they’ve always done . . .

women in my lifetime are still oppressed. but that hasn’t stopped them from creating so much beauty and joy out of the time they’ve been given.

and im not just hopeful for a better future. im hopeful that women and girls alive today will experience immense joy and inner peace regardless of their past in their lifetime. and that dream comes true every new day.

[guiltygearpl]

Time to spread some polish sinbed propaganda!!!

Disclaimer admin 💀  has nothing to do with this. I’m not sure if I’ve told them I’m posting this. This is all me. The other admin. Be warned. I am going to ramble about these two under the cut :)

Now that we’ve got that out of the way let’s get into it.

-The only reason this is possible is because back in the day, when this all started, me and the other admin established that Grześ is bi comphet. In normal words, he is bi but he has not quite realized that he likes men yet. Bartek is gay and unaware because I said so (fucking LOOK at him)

-They are both mildly homophobic. Grześ was raised by his conservative father, which of course can’t end in anything other than lots of internalized biphobia. He also acts like a ladies man he loves flirting with women. Bartek is a reddit user which I feel explains a lot. Technically he’s not super actively bigoted but he says some questionable stuff sometimes. Enlightened ‘centrists’ actually lean in to the right and he is no exception.

-They meet because Grześ is failing BRAND SCHOOL* and needs a tutor. Desperately. Kamil was recommended to talk to Bartek, and since the price wasn’t high, he hired him.

-Bartek does not like Grześ at the beginning. Actually that’s an understatement he is genuinely appalled at how dumb that boy is. The first hour of their first lesson is a disaster, as Bartek keeps using language and terms Grześ does Not Understand. Bartek has to try and explain very basic 5th grade math to him.

-Eventually, they get somewhere when Bartek realizes the best way to get Grześ to understand something is through examples and de-structuring methods step by step, and slowly progressing forward to the actual material. He ends up enjoying the challenge of explaining things to a total idiot.

-Meanwhile Grześ is just really happy to finally understand something. He’s doing his best!

-Eventually, outside of learning, they start chatting as well. Mainly initiated by Grześ, because of course. He’s very friendly all around and loves talking. Bartek tries not to care, but the urge is too strong and he ends up showing Grześ terrible reddit memes. He does Not quite get them, but laughs anyway.

-Hey, Grześ is really good at one thing, and that’s sports. Since Bartek doesn’t care much about his attendance anyways, he eventually gets roped into going to the other’s school to watch a football tournament, even though he literally hates P.E. and anything related more than life itself. Grześ is so touched he almost cries.

-One time, during a voleyball game, Bartek goes to spectate. When Grześ notices him, he tries to wave and hit the ball at the same time and ends up accidentally hitting Bartek in the face with it. They don’t speak for a week but Grześ does LITERALLY everything to make it up so Bartek can’t stay mad.

-One Grześ learns that Bartek doesn’t really have any friends, he makes active effort to hang out with him way more, like after school and online. Bartek is, once again, unenthusiastic at first, but he now has a person other than Dalia to send reddit memes to, so he can’t really complain. They eventually become something like friends.

-They both like videogames which ends up being one of their main ways to hang out. It’s something they’re both quite good at, and they end up playing lots of competitive games.

-They mostly hang out at Bartek’s house because aside from Dalia, it’s empty and way bigger than the Kiszka family house. Grześ also hates his dad so he takes any opportunity to be away from home. It used to be hanging out at his neighbor’s place, but now he has an actual friend he can come over to play games with :)

ok ive been writing this for like 3 fucking hours and i still have more to write but i keep getting distracted to have part 1 i guess. see you when i go even more insane

- 🛏️

*i meant Szkoła zawodowa idk how to translate this. the other admin helped me but if u know a more accurate word hmu hihi

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

So, as people know, I watched a lot of panel shows during lockdown. Too many panel shows during lockdown. My friends were all sending messages about mentally suffering from the lack of human contact, and I was saying I don’t know what you’re talking about, I’ve seen every single episode of 8 Out of 10 Cats in the last month and I’m fine. Do you want to hear about it? No? Fine, I’ll create a Tumblr blog and tell them about it instead and the only cost will be that by a couple of years later I’ll have totally emotionally disconnected from the real life I used to have. Like I said, my mental health responded really well to lockdowns.

Anyway, that had some less dark effects on my mind as well, one of which is that at some point, British accents started to be the ones I expected to hear. Because I was listening to them all day, and never interacting with anyone in person, I didn’t hear the Canadian accent of myself or the people I know for ages, I just heard these British ones. It maybe didn’t help that I got so focused on the accents specifically, as I tried to overcome my tone-deafness and learn to tell the difference among the 300,000 known British accents that are out there so I could get the jokes based on them, and I mostly failed in my quest but I can at least reliably tell Scottish apart from Welsh apart from Yorkshire apart from Croydon these days. Also I know what Croydon is. (I already knew what Yorkshire was, due to the Monty Python sketch.)

Anyway, I spent so much time buried in that media that when I did start occasionally interacting with humans again (not even when most restrictions were lifted, but when I went to stay with my parents for a while because they were worried about the agoraphobia I was developing/the lockdowns were clearly validating the agoraphobia I had always been prone to but hadn’t been able to enforce due to my lifestyle), I realized their accents sounded slightly strange to me. Not really weird or anything, I’d just hear them and get a tiny sense of “Oh, that’s different from how most people talk.” Even though it is how I talk and how everyone I know talks.

(Please note: I did not actually say this to anyone I knew, including my parents. Because I am aware of the stereotype of a person who goes to Europe for a few weeks and comes back pretending that they’re European now. And the only thing I can think of that would be worse than that is someone who manages to have picked that up by not even going over there, just spending many months locked in a room watching their TV shows. I did not walk around telling people they sound funny because I’m used to British accents now. I am also pleased to say I can confirm that no amount of concentrated panel show watching is enough for me to pick up a British accent myself, though I have normalized a few of their phrases in my head from all the Britcom, I have to stop myself from saying “football” instead of “soccer” on the rare occasions when that word comes up in my real life because I do not want to sound like I think I’m British now. I just genuinely hear that sport referenced constantly in my British media and almost never in my Canadian life, so the word for it in my head has changed. There are two or three other things like that, where my own vocabulary’s drifted toward British-isms as a result of the last few years, but mostly, any British-isms in my vocabulary are there because I read a lot of Phillip Pullman and Harry Potter and CS Lewis and Douglas Adams as a kid, and I picked up words from there, not thinking I was trying to “talk British”, I was just young enough to still frequently learn new words and expressions and I thought the stuff I came across in those books were just regular things I didn’t already know so I incorporated them into my speech and by the time I realized they’re not used here I’d already solidified the habit. Point being that I’ve been saying “brilliant” since long before 2020, and I can get away with little things like that because “brilliant” is a word that means the same thing in Canada and just isn’t used as often – it’s not like I use a word like “trousers” or something that we don’t have here at all. As for the actual accents, the only British accent I can sort of do a tiny bit is Glaswegian, but I can only do it while saying words that Jamie MacDonald said in The Thick of It, because I’ve spent so much time quoting him over the years that I think I can imitate him a bit. If you heard my Glaswegian accent you’d think it was bad, and you’d be right, but it would still be true that I can do it better than any other accents I’ve ever tried. It’s the tone deafness again. People have asked me before why I’ve never tried making music when deep love of music has always been such a big part of my life, and I tell them I don’t even have the auditory processing capability to tell an English from an Australian accent, I sure as hell can’t sing or play an instrument. I realize I’m getting quite far off the point by now. Back to the post.)

Since then, I’m pleased to say I’ve stopped having that feeling in real life, and have gone back to expecting the people around me to talk with Canadian accents, with no little twinge of “oh, that’s a bit different” when I hear it. However, I do still get that with media. I watch British TV and think they’re all talking normally, for how people on TV are meant to talk. I almost never watch American or Canadian TV anymore, so when I do occasionally put on an episode of 30 Rock or something, my brain will have a brief little jolt of “Oh, that’s a notably different accent” when the characters start talking in the exact same exact that I and everyone I know have (non-region-specific American accents = the same as non-region-specific Canadian accents, I’m almost sure, though I’ve had some people tell me there’s a slight difference and maybe I just don’t hear it due to the tone-deafness).

There is one exception to this, as I realized yesterday. I was watching a British TV show that featured children, and that sounded odd to me. It gave me that brief moment of thinking “Oh, that’s interesting, that’s a bit of a different way of speaking than I’m used to.” And I realized that while I’ve gotten very used to hearing adults be British on TV – so used to it that it sounds a bit weird when anyone on TV isn’t British now – I have rarely heard a British accent in a child’s voice. That still sounds like a surprising foreign accent to me.

Anyway, this was an overly long post in which I was just trying to give enough context to say: it turns out that I don’t expect children to be British, and my brain is slightly shocked by the idea. I am travelling to London and Edinburgh this summer, and as much as I think I have obsessively learned about British culture to the point where it's normalized in my head, I'm kind of looking forward to finding out what other things exist in British real life but not in British comedic media so I'll be surprised to see them when I get there. Things like children being British.

[cherryfairytwist]

RickFic Ch7. Bank Robbery

(Tags: drinking, violence, minors DNI)

—- HELLO —-

—- INITIATING DOWNLOAD SEQUENCE MEMORY CLUSTER #7 —-

—-PULLING UP EARLIEST ASSISTED MEMORY RECORDS —-

—- NARRATION SIMULATING NOW —-

“F-fuck you-you FUCK!!” Rick screamed at his computer belligerently. 

He slammed his fists down on the desk below. Quickly snatching his flask and chugging all of it. He then swayed over to another bottle and refilled it. 

“W-We’ll see how you-you like losing me as a in-*BURP*- investor!!” He yelled out again before portaling to the upstairs hallway. 

“S-SUMMER!! M-Morty!!! Get out h-here!!” He yelled at both of their room doors. 

“Jeez… it’s the m-middle of Sunday afternoon Rick…! I’m trying to get my homework done ya know?!” Morty whined as he came out into the hall. 

Summer also joined them in the hall, pushing her sleeping mask off her face, “literally grandpa.. I was taking a nap..” she yawned. 

“Nope! W-we’re robbing a BANNNK!!” He hollered like he was at a football game. 

“Aw Jeez-“ Morty let out just as Rick grabbed both him and his sister and pushed them through a portal. 

Morty stumbled and fell onto a black couch in a small apartment den followed by Summer. Rick then drunkenly stepped out of the portal next to them just as it shut behind him. 

“Wait.. this isn’t a bank…” Summer said confused looking around. 

“Y-you’re right! We’re here to g-get your little friend.” He then burped while getting acclimated to his new surroundings. “I-isn’t that what y-you two would have bitched about anyways?” He finished. 

“W-wait?! W- we’re in Astrid’s apartment right now?!” Morty looked around frantically while starting to blush. 

“Oh jeez calm down weirdo.” Summer said to him with an eye roll as they both got up off the couch. 

“A-ASTRID!! ADVENTURE TIME NOW!!” Rick shouted while strutting down the apartment hall to the other rooms, “H-HURRY UP! THIS ONES PERSON- *BURP*-AL!!” he said while reaching for one of the doors and twisting the door knob open. 

The kids quickly followed behind him right as Summer tried to warn Rick, “Wait Grandpa don’t just barge-!” She said frantically before getting cut off. 

Rick barreled into the steamy apartment bathroom and slammed right into a wet Astrid wrapped in a towel. 

“WHAT THE FUCK?!” Astrid yelled out in irritation. 

“Oh- uh… whoops.. “ Rick said casually slipping on the slick tile and falling over and grabbing onto the sink while trying to retreat back out into the hall. 

“OOHHEEHHHH!!” Morty screamed in embarrassment hiding his eyes from Astrid but secretly trying to take a peek. 

“Holy fuck! Omg Astrid I’m so sorry!! We’ll wait outside!” Summer yelled over Morty as she grabbed both Rick and her brother by the collar, dragging them back out to the living room. 

“WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU!?” Astrid shouted back at Rick, “Jesus give me a second to get dressed…” she mumbled angrily before slamming the door behind them. 

Summer shoved both a red faced Morty and seemingly unbothered Rick back onto the couch. She then stood guard at the end of the hall keeping a judgmental look directed at them. In Rick’s bored drunken state he looked over and noticed Astrid’s liquor box under her coffee table and grabbed a bottle. 

“W-wait.. Rick..!” Morty tried to persuade him against his continuation of getting more intoxicated. 

“Yeah grandpa! Jesus you’ve had enough. We just broke into our teacher’s apartment! She could press charges!” Summer yelled at him. 

“How did you even know where I live?” Astrid asked coming into the living room to join them.

Summer looked at her quizzically noticing Astrid’s hair had gone from sopping wet to perfectly dry and styled all within the five minutes they had waited in the living room. Rick also looked up at Astrid barely noticing her hair too. 

“W-what!? Like I couldn’t just look up your information from the school’s teacher files?” He said plainly as if it was totally normal. 

“I see you’ve already helped yourself then.” Astrid said looking at the liquor bottle he was taking sips from. 

“Oh y-yeah, like you haven’t helped yourself t-to my stash already.” He said sarcastically while giving her a playful glare. 

Astrid rolled her eyes and looked at all three of them standing in her den just as Summer piped up, “Astrid I’m so sorry I didn’t think Rick would-“ 

“So what’s the mission? I heard you yell it was personal.” Astrid interrupted. 

“T-this SHIT FOR BRAINS thought he could j-just close my account *BURP* and take out a r- ridiculous fee! WELL HE HAS A-ANOTHER THING C-COMING!” He shouted in rage. 

“Okay… let’s get to it.” Astrid said casually. 

All three of them looked back at her a little surprised at how quick she was to get to it, but this helped boost all of their moods to become excited for the adventure. Rick laughed and shot a portal open underneath her feet. Astrid dropped through into a fancy looking alien bank. The walls and floors were all what looked like green jade. She turned her head to look around at the bank patrons, they were all dressed head to toe in very nice and expensive looking clothing and accessories. Most of them looked like green humanistic frog people but with feathers for hair coming from the tops of their heads. She looked down at her skin tight leather pants and ripped up band t-shirt feeling a little out of place. 

“D-don’t even sweat it.” Rick said from behind her now joining with the kids, “p-put this on…it won’t even matter w-what you’re wearing.” He said while tossing her a Scream mask like from the movie. 

Astrid proceeded to copy the other three as they all slid the masks on. Rick pulled out a little ball in his hand, threw it on the ground causing a loud pop while black smoke quickly filled the room. Confused screams and murmurs came from the crowd as security quickly scuffled towards the cloud. Once the smoke had cleared, Astrid noticed that all three of their clothes had changed to pitch black as well as getting some residual dust onto the faces of the security team. They grappled and moaned in pain trying to get it out of their eyes in pain. Astrid then turned to look at Rick’s now black mask realizing why he had told them to wear it, other than to hide their identities. 

“GARGALOASE!!!!” Rick screamed out while pulling out large automatic laser guns seemingly from nowhere and unloading rounds into the ceiling above. “E-EVERYONE ON THE G-GROUND UNLESS Y-YOU WANT A *BURPPP* CAP IN YOUR ASS!” He screeched at the bank members and security as they replied in screams of fear. 

“Oh fuck..” Morty whined while quickly reaching into his grandfather’s coat pockets to grab a laser gun and Rick’s tricked out flame blade lighter. 

Morty tossed the lighter to Summer and was about to hand the laser to Astrid when she quickly shook her head no and pulled up the hunting knife she had pocketed from Rick a while back. They then all prepared themselves for whatever was going to come next. 

“Of course… Rick. How are you now Mr. Sanchez…?” A relaxed voice said from behind a barred counter.

“C-Come out here a-and face me you coward!” Rick directed at the voice. 

“Now now Rick. I don’t think that will be necessary. You are no longer a client of mine. So I will be refusing your need for service… besides my bank doesn’t associate with drug toting terrorists. This is why we had decided to close your account. Wouldn’t want such associations.” The voice said back loftily. 

Astrid and Summer quickly knocked out the guards near them as Morty kept an eye on all the other bank patrons who were frozen in fear. 

“Y-You sure didn’t seem t-to mind until recently!Why the sudden change?! Y-you knew better than to charge me that BULLSHIT exit fee! Y-you want to start something? Well I’m r-right fucking here!” Rick yelled out and open fired at the counter in the voice’s direction sending shards of jade flying out into the crowd of bank goers, causing them all to yelp and lay down on the floor in fear. 

“Grandpa calm down…! We don’t actually want to kill these bystanders do we..?” Summer said lowering her voice to Rick. 

“F-fuck em! T-this bank is run and-and used by f-filthy rich corrupted officials’ and t-their family members.. super exclusive.” he quickly whispered back to her. 

“I thought it was going to be like this..I know what a difficult man you are Mr. Sanchez. That’s why I made sure to get a privately hired team to handle this exact situation.” The voice came back amused. 

Over on the other side of the bank a small group of four came walking down some jade stairs. The Smith team tossed off their mask’s as they swiveled to meet their nearing opponents. The opposition all wore old ripped up tactical gear that had clearly been styled to look somewhat punk. Astrid noted that the tactical gear seemed familiar… it took her a second to realize they were an old version of the Agency’s foot soldier uniforms. She grit her teeth in annoyance realizing this team must have stolen the uniforms from real members. Out of the lot there looked to be two men, a woman and one other alien with no discerning gender features. One of the men looked like a short stocky hairless rabbit man with a scar over his eye and a big cigar hanging from his mouth. He carried a massive machine gun on his hip. The other guy looked like he was of a fly/bug species like the ones that made up the Galactic Federation, but he had a robot eye, arms and leg. The woman was some type of fish species with legs, her skin was blue and her head fin stood tall and flared while she held a harpoon like gun. The last member looked like they were made of fire, but had two floating stones for eyes and a pair of what looked similar to deer antlers floating in the head area. 

“Too scared to deal with me yourself? What a man y-you are!” Rick mocked while still keeping his sights on the nearing group. 

“Naturally.” The voice replied with a laugh. 

“I call the tank.” Rick referred to the rabbit man before sprinting forward. 

“I’ll take fish face!” Summer yelled out following right behind Rick. 

Suddenly the bank alarm stared to ring out, Astrid tried to peak a glance behind the counter but guessed the owner had hidden himself under it somewhere. She then looked at Morty who seemed frustrated about the situation, he looked back up at her, 

“W-which one do you want?” He asked trying to seem polite. 

“I’ll take Fire Antlers. You good with the Robot Fly?” She grinned back at him hoping to encourage him. 

“Uh yeah…!” He said starting to feel the infectious effect she had. 

They both ran forward and joined in the fighting. 

Rick’s robot arms had created huge armor shields keeping the bullets from his opponent from getting at him. The Rabbit man leaped off all types of surfaces around the bank in frustration trying to find openings to get at Rick while also avoiding his automatic fire. Summer dodged, weaved and slid across the slick jade floors avoiding the harpoon arrows that her opponent was sending out. She quickly got in close making the fish woman try and keep distance from the flaming blade Summer wielded with pretty good skill. Morty then started letting out laser shots in the direction of the Fly guy but his robot arms and leg seemed to work similarly to Rick in a way they could deflect the hits. This made Morty really focus on where he was trying to aim while also avoiding the Fly guy’s big laser cannon arm sending slow but heavy hits out against the jade walls. Shards were flying everywhere causing more costumers to crawl away and out of the bank once they got close enough to the door to leave. Out of annoyance, Rick would randomly send out shots to hit some of the members trying to escape the bank, while letting out satisfied laughs or grunts. Astrid physically shot herself so fast past the fire alien its flames faded down causing its eyes and antlers to drop and then bounce back up once the flame grew back. She smiled thinking about how she had fought this alien’s species before. She knew if she could blow them out long enough and snatch out their eyes it would kill them. See most other aliens wouldn’t be able to survive the burns by trying to do this, unlucky for it, she had regenerative abilities and could shift her skin to become more resilient as well. 

“You’re nothing!! I eat weak hand me down hired help like you for breakfast!” Rick yelled out smiling after he had thrown a sticky bomb on the floor and lured his opponent into, blowing up the Rabbit’s leg instantly. 

Blood sprayed everywhere but the Rabbit kept hopping on his one good foot, slower this time but still going. All the Smith’s and their opponents were yelling and making quips at each other in the heat of battle. Astrid checked to make sure none of them were paying attention, she then did a quick run around the Fire Alien. Astrid going faster than light, this suffocated its flame to go down practically to nothing. She then snatched both its eyes away, crushing the little stones in her fist. Its empty uniform dropped to the floor as the rest of the flame went out. She quickly whipped her head around to make sure no one had witnessed any of it. Once she knew she was in the clear she went to assist Morty. He had managed a few good shots already, the Fly man was bleeding from the collar bone area and the stomach in a few places. The fly was already starting to slow down. Astrid thought about how she could insta kill this guy too, but wanted to not completely show off just yet in front of Morty what a harden killer she was. She paused thinking for a second, then jumped up onto the fly from behind while crunching his head between her thighs and twisting him violently to the side while grabbing his cannon arm. With this opening, Morty took the shot and lasered him multiple times in the chest causing him to fall forward throwing Astrid off. She tumbled forward like a circus performer and hopped back up, spinning and kicking her leg in a swoop making contact against the Fly’s head behind her. He went flying and slammed against the bank counter in a thud. He struggled to get up, spitting up his species’s type of blood. 

“Holy cow!” Morty said in surprise seeing Astrid’s sheer strength up close. 

Morty quickly shot the fly in the head just as he was aiming his cannon at Astrid. 

“Thanks Morty!” Astrid said with a smile while wiping her brow. 

“N-no! T-thank you!” He said awkwardly gasped in amazement. 

“Sorry to break up you and your crush.” Rick said to Morty sarcastically shoving between the two of them going towards the counter. 

Astrid looked back to see the Rabbit man was now nothing but a pile of guts splattered everywhere in one corner of the bank. Morty nervously laughed and followed behind his grand dad. Rick proceeded to slowly wear away at the counter with his atomic laser gun forming a hole for him to enter through. While that was happening Summer finished up her fight with the fish woman, sending the flame blade right through her eye up through her skull and burning its way out. The dead woman collapsed to the floor as Summer turned to the rest of them, 

“Ha! That actually wasn’t so bad!” She said proud of herself. “SO WHAT NOW…?” She shouted over the rapid fire of Rick’s gun. 

“We’re breaking into the vault before their equivalent of a swat team shows up!” He answered back finally finishing their way through the counter. 

Rick, now sounding much more sober but irritable, ran back behind the counter and snatched up a green cowering alien man hiding amongst the other employees. He slammed his gun against the guys head multiple times then threw him into the back rooms behind the counter. The siblings and Astrid climbed through the ruble to follow Rick. 

“Give me the code now you slobbering cock sucker!” He demanded while slamming the man’s head against a large metal safe in the back office. 

“Woah woah Rick! Can’t you just blow up the safe…?!” Morty asked already wanting to go home. 

“No Morty! It’s blast and portal resistant!” Rick shouted back and tossed the man to the side. 

Loud sirens sounded off in the distance, “Fuck! We don’t have time! THE CODE!!!?” He slammed the man against the office desk and held the gun to his head. 

“Grandpa don’t! If he’s dead-“ Summer was shouted over by Rick,

“Code now or you die. You sniveling twat! Wouldn’t want the wife to have to explain to jr why daddy didn’t come home today!” He screamed practically breaking a blood vessel. 

“Fine!! Jesus Sanchez… it’s _________!!” He listed off some type of alien code that Astrid wasn’t quite familiar with, but she remembered exactly what he had said. 

Rick then shot the bank owner dead right there on the desk. Both Morty and Summer let out mixed reactions, Morty whined in disgust and Summer cringed in uncomfort. Rick then went over to the safe pad and attempted to get it to open. The sirens blared right outside at this point. The siblings turned to Rick and begged him to hurry. 

“Voice code verification needed.” The safe chirped back at Rick. 

“Fuck… I’m going to need you guys to bide me time while I try to hack it.” He grumbled. 

Before Morty or Summer could complain Astrid walked over to Rick and lightly scooted him to the side. He glanced at her confused but said nothing. She leaned her face down in front of the pad and quickly gave Rick a cheeky glance before speaking into it. In the bank owner’s exact voice, she repeated the code he had told them only moments before. The safe then let out a, 

“Access granted. Hello Mr. Gargaloase.” 

“You’re kidding….how’d you manage that…?” Rick looked at her actually pleasantly surprised. 

“What?” She grinned back at him, “I got tricks up my sleeve too.” 

“Honestly Astrid… you’re the best. I did NOT want to have to go deal with whatever cops they have on this planet.” Summer said tiredly but relaxed now that the situation was taken care of. 

Alright let’s get in! Rick said shoving them all in the safe and closing it behind them to keep the cops from entering. The room had lasers but Rick shot out a scanner beam from his wrist causing all of them to short circuit and power off. 

“Wait didn’t you say the safe is portal resistant..? Why’d you close us in?” Summer asked her grandfather. 

“Sumsum it’s resistant to trying to portal into the safe. Not portal from inside the safe to out.” Rick answered acting as if she should have known the answer. 

“Home free!! T-thanks Astrid!” Morty said beaming up at her. 

“Okay help grandpa get his shit back!” He said to the siblings as he created a large portal for them to throw cash, gold bars and other types of currency through on the ground. 

They all started emptying out the vault as banging and muted voices came from the door behind them. Periodically they would all laugh or snicker knowing the cops on the other side had no way of getting in now that the owner was dead. Once the vault was completely empty Astrid peaked into the portal to see where Rick was sending all this money, but he quickly snatched her by the arm and pulled her back up away from it as it snapped shut. 

“You got your tricks and I got mine. No peaking behind this curtain.” He playfully said to her as he released her arm. 

“Let’s go home. I’m starting to feel hung over.” Rick said plainly as he opened a new portal. 

They all stepped through into the Smith’s living room. Rick fell over onto the couch and shut his eyes, passing out in only minutes, even started snoring a little. The siblings looked to Rick then back to Astrid. 

“Uh so… I gotta get b-back to homework…” Morty said awkwardly while rubbing his neck. 

“Yeah I’m literally ready to go pass back out again. You good Astrid..?” Summer asked quickly before leaving. 

“Yeah I need to get back to my place too, got work stuff I have to plan.” She said casually. 

They all proceeded to go their separate ways, the siblings climbed back upstairs and Astrid went to the front door and left. As soon as the room was empty one of Rick’s eyes opened to see if anyone was still watching. He shot out a small portal from his portal gun and reached his hand through to the security room back at the bank. He quickly typed in some codes and slid a flash drive into the security computer and exported all the footage from that day onto it and then deleted all the evidence off the computer. He then slid the flash drive into his coat pocket and rolled back over to fall asleep. 

—- PART SEVEN COMPLETED —- 

—- SHUTTING DOWN —-

—- GOODBYE —-

[houseofbrat]

WHAT is going on?

This is the best PR disaster I’ve seen in years 🍿

Photos are manipulated (aka edited) all the time - for this one to have been manipulated in ways that are concerning enough for 3 of the biggest photo agencies in the world to order a kill notice on it is significant.

The thing that I keep coming back to is that if everything is fine, why are they messing things up so monumentally? It feels like every pr attempt has been made in crisis conditions by a bunch of people with no pr skills running on zero sleep. Why did no one check the photo before posting it through official channels to make sure that it didn’t have any glaring errors given the fact that they know they have eyes on them?

That’s what I mean. I normally don’t follow the royal family at all and I personally don’t feel entitled to know what Kate’s medical issues are but I’m absolutely invested in this BECAUSE of how badly the PR is being handled. They are literally making it seem like something weird is actually going on when it may not be. It’s almost like they are doing it on purpose to see the public’s reaction 😂

What’s wild to me in this thread are the people defending this and pretending it’s no big deal. If you care about the monarchy at all, the handling of this situation by their own people is now a five alarm fire. They’ve lied and been purposefully deceitful since the original announcement of Kate’s illness and it’s only gotten worse since then. Having a photo pulled down for manipulation by multiple huge organizations is a huge deal and they no longer have the queen to smooth everything over, they are up the creek.

Another kick in the teeth for KP. Another round of cope for their defenders. Can anyone honestly say they’re surprised at this point? I kind of doubt cosmetic editing is the only issue, because Lord knows that Kate — and other public figures, ofc — have been shopped & filtered into oblivion over the years. Makes me wonder what AP & Reuters think is happening here. And this just makes me even more curious why Kate didn’t wear her engagement ring in the photo. If they’re editing the pictures anyways, there’s literally no reason not to plonk Big Blue on there. This is top notch royal drama right here, please keep it coming.

What do you mean another round of cope?

It’s referring to the excuses that some royal fans keep clinging to. It’s been so fun watching the stans say that all of this is totally normal, and how dare the conspiracy theorists, and won’t you think of the privacy — and then it all blows up in their faces AGAIN. It’s like Lucy with the football!

I genuinely think we could be seeing the beginning of the end of the Royal Family here. People will say it’s a stretch and that I’m a conspiracy theorist or whatever but I honestly don’t see how, given the way this whole shit show has been handled, the public are meant to trust anything put out by the Palaces in future. We’re yet to see how this one ends but my god, it has been a rollercoaster and with every passing day there are more questions. Even people like me who don’t generally care about anything royal are wondering what on earth is going on. If, and when, it turns out that there has been some kind of cover up, even if it’s relatively minor, the people who never cared for the Royal Family will be able to (rightly) argue that they’re duplicitous and sleazy, and those who believed every word of it and leapt to their defence time after time will (and should) feel utterly betrayed.

As a publicist I’m just going to say I continue to be astonished by how terrible KP is at PR.

What do you think is going on?

I’m obviously not going to speculate on her actual condition but suspect the PR team knows little and the Wales’ - likely William - only listen to yes people. So they are holding close to the vest the truth and this means the PR team is spinning its wheels working from behind in a reactive stance as opposed to proactively being able to get ahead of a story or message accurately against it.

The constant messy drip drip of info and KP being so inconsistent with BP to me suggests they are kept in the dark and have to scramble every time something else comes out.

It’s really hard to advise clients/principals who won’t listen to reason, who won’t take good advice, who say they will comply but then in the moment do the opposite. I get all of those vibes from William in particular.

Being the Heir he got away with murder and now I suspect it’s hard/near impossible to get him to see reason.

They should have just been honest, messaged it as a teachable moment kinda like KC did with his cancer and stayed transparent, but my guess is William thinks whatever the truth is will make them look bad, so gestures at all of this

What in the world is going on? I’ve definitely raised my eyebrows at the goings-on at KP over the last few weeks, but the editing errors he highlighted in his Tweet don’t seem all that uncommon to me, especially the warping around Louis’s legs… though I’m no expert. I think something is up, but also was leaning towards the pic being taken recently. I consider AP and Reuters fairly trustworthy though, so seems odd they would pull it for shoddy photoshop work alone. Idk anymore.

the Associated Press and Reuters (and others who have killed this photo) are journalism organizations with strict guidelines about photography ethics, which forbids anything other than minimal photo editing. a shoddy photoshopping would be exactly the kind of thing they would object to when it comes to photos they distribute/endorse through their service. they explain more here: https://www.ap.org/about/news-values-and-principles/telling-the-story/visuals

I'm old. Like, remember when Charles was considered the Most Eligible Bachelor old, watched the Royal Wedding and was surprised by the separation old, was up watching Saturday Night Live when the news broke about Princess Diana's crash old.

The last time I remember a PR crisis this bad was when Diana died and the public was clamoring for some word from the Queen. KP needs to work to right this, but so far, everything they do adds gasoline to the bonfire.

Declining to comment just seem really daft. You can ignore tabloids, but when its the AP and Reuters you should calm things down.

I'm still of the opinion that they were messy, but ultimately harmless edits made to the photo

Just say that. Fess up, you haven't committed a huge crime. You used the clone stamp tool or whatever to make the image look cleaner but the job was not up to par.

I guess setting the precedent that future images could be accused of being digitally altered is why they don't want to? Either that or the photos really is extremely faked

At this point you need a picture of Kate holding a newspaper with today's date otherwise no one is believing anything. And this isn't normal, this is unforced error, and we are all dealing with KP media strategy catastrophic errors and frankly William messing this up for weeks.

For them to put out a kill notice goes beyond a little Photoshop or filtering. There are so many odd things about the photo. The unseasonable greenery (yes, I'm saying it again though I got deleted for saying it before), the placement of the hands over, esp. Kate's. The obv. photoshop of Charlotte's hand is what they called out as proof but the photo just looks off.

The greenery is the least problematic thing. My garden faces north (and is further north) and the grass looks green but needs a trim. They probably have a lovely well maintained south facing garden.

It’s amur honeysuckle or winter honeysuckle hybrid. They are semi-evergreen like what’s seen here. Some leaves on & older looking, some leaves gone. If you look at the KP bird site, there’s a pic of PW on grass that green the day before or so. I’m confident about the shrub, can’t say about the grass.

Omg. What a DISASTER! I have never seen so many PR missteps in such a short period of time. This whole situation will have lasting damage on the British monarchy. Whatever trust people had is broken.

They said the photo was SEVERELY MANIPULATED to the point where it doesn't meet the AP's publishing guidelines.

That would possibly point to “there’s no image at all.” I’m not a conspiracy theorist, but this is beginning to feel a little alarming.

[musette22]

Okay so first of alll, how dare the universe give you a bad day like this, rude 😤 I will have a word with it & tell it that you only deserve wonderful days where you get to do fun things and feel good and rested and happy 💖💖

But!! The universe gets a pass sometimes bc they also brought us Chris & Sebastian 😭 And I was just thinking. Because I saw some AoU interviews and some other videos of Chris being a little wild/crazy/a big doofus again recently, and that just got me thinking. Both our boys can be idiots and say and do things that make me the personified “😂” emoji, but I think they need to feel comfortable to do that.

So I’m just imagining them meeting for the first time and Seb being so quiet, but Chris has seen some of his work and he’s seen him, and he desperately wants to make a good impression, because he really wants to be around this guy as much as possible, hopefully become friends.

Seb obviously knows about Chris, and he’s a little hesitant to be his own weirdo self, make the jokes he makes, share the out there interests he has, because you know, Chris is this cool, buff, legitimate movie star, and he doesn’t want Chris to think he’s crazy, or an idiot. So they dance around each other a little, slowly getting to know each other.

And then one day Chris says something ridiculous, or Seb does something weird, and they stare at each other for a moment, a little worried, and then just burst out into laughter, and they realize they don’t have to pretend with the other, they can just be themselves. Because the other gets them. They’re just as beautifully, wonderfully, weird.

And maybe Chris is a little softer with Seb, maybe Seb is a little more outgoing with Chris, than they usually are around most of their friends. But that’s not pretending to be someone else, that’s not pretending to be normal (because normal is overrated), that’s just how they bring things out in each other. And it’s the best, because it makes them so well balanced, makes them so good together.

And I can just imagine Seb rolling his eyes a little when Chris gets up to his frat boy antics, but with a loving smile, because he can’t believe that idiot is his. And Chris crying with laughter when Seb does or says something weird, feeling so light, and so happy that Seb doesn’t hold back with him.

Anyway. These are some rambling thoughts. Hopefully they make you smile 🥰 I love youuu to the moon and back 💖💖💖💖

Mayaaaaaaaaaaa 😭😭😭😭 I just love you so much, and I love them so much, and I love how much you love them so much too 💖💖💖💖💖 Thinking about these two will never fail to make me feel better, so I am so grateful for you coming into my inbox to talk about them today of all days 🥺

And all of this? It's perfect. I think about how silly they are all the time as well, Chris with his self-deprecating humour and his bro-ness, and Sebastian being a total dork and a weirdo (affectionate) and the fact that they can be so silly only makes them more wonderful. If they were just super hot and talented, they'd be waaaayyy too intimidating. So the fact that they can have fun too and don't take themselves too seriously only makes them more human and therefore more loveable 🥰

And I love your idea about how that's true for the way they feel about each other as well! Once they find out that the other is kind of an idiot sometimes, it's even harder not to fall for them 🥺Just the idea of Sebastian watching fondly as Chris slips into that Bostonian accent when he talks about football with his friends back home and makes a fool of himself, and Chris cracking up when Sebastian dances around the kitchen brandishing a wooden spoon as a microphone and then bumping his head against the lamp, I mean 😭💖 And what you said about how they're still a little different around each other, but not in a posing kinda way, but just because the other brings out this other side of them, aaaahhhh, I'm so soft for that 🥺🥺🥺

So yes, basically everything you said, I agree, I love it, I love you, and love them 🥰🥰🥰 Thank you so much for this, my dearest Maya!! You're a gem and I adore you, thank you for loving our beautiful little idiots as much as I do 😘

[gretagerwigsmuse]

oh my gosh! this chapter was absolutely adorable! obviously, i love everything going on with jamie and the reader, but also you paint such a vivid picture of the english team and the players and traditions etc! some fave parts below 💕

In the last week of being at England camp, he’d taken part in around 10 PR opportunities, all of which were open to volunteers, none of which he was obligated to do. But there were so few of them willing to take part and the smile on your face every time he hesitantly stuck his hand in the air was worth whatever embarrassment you might put him through. - oh wtf this is so fucking adorable!?!? JAMIE??? the smile being worth all the embarrassment?? sweet boy is smitten! (also ‘buzzing’ is an amazing adjective, i loved that bit with with fork)

He’d carry you there, if you’d let him, because he knows the walk of a woman whose feet are hurting in her heels - Rebecca had taught him the signs. You were walking solely on the balls of your feet, trying to keep a normal rhythm but failing. - this detail!!!! i’m obsessed with it! and that he picked it up from rebecca!! i love it (also yes pls carry me)

“Not just the pool. Pool party. Footballers go fuckin’ crazy for ‘em, trust me. Y’ can’t lose, cause you’ll get a load of pictures of us lookin’ relaxed an’ fun an’ shit. Never know, some people might enjoy the fact we’ll be half naked. Win-win.” - oh this’ll be so fun and the inflatable obstacle course? i love it (and how she’s quick to say that she’d never exploit the guys (tbh i love how she’s so consistent about mentioning that some sports pr stuff can feel that way sometimes))

He chuckles, left alone in your office. It takes him a few moments, but when he catches himself stood there grinning to himself, he’s quick to jog out and in the direction of the pitch. - he’s so SMITTEN!! calling her ‘love,’ smiling to himself?? kick my feet in the air

It hadn’t even crossed his mind at the time that you might tell anyone he’d thought of it. Gareth had been really nice about it yesterday, said something about leadership qualities that Jamie wishes Roy had been around to hear. - STOP that’s so stinkin sweet of both her and jamie!!

Rife nudged him in the back of the shoulder and looked over at you. “Fuck off,” Jamie mumbled, but he was walking over to you anyway and he knew Rife was decent enough not to say anything to the other lads and turn it into a whole thing. It wasn’t a thing anyway. He was just trying to do the right thing, like he always was nowadays, by going over to thank you for putting on such a fun time for everyone. - i love that rife’s picked up on it and isn’t going to make it into a whole Thing? which is nice since it seems like jamie’s got his own little group now?? they’ve got his back ☺️

“Running out of adjectives for you, Jamie Tartt,” you say happily, reaching out to push him in what he assumes is an affectionate gesture. - i SQUEALED

Now he’s that stupid word that Colin always uses to describe Dani when he has a new girl, but he just can’t remember it. It comes to him when he’s staring at his bedroom ceiling late at night, thinking until he makes his head hurt. Smitten. He’s fucking smitten. - wait i love this! and i totally mentioned smitten above before even seeing this part!! gahhh he’s got the biggest crush on her! i’m so jazzed about this fic truly!

be still, my foolish heart [3] - jamie tartt x reader

pairing: jamie tartt x fem!reader

word count: 4.1k (we're getting into it folks)

series warnings: lots of language throughout, some allusions to smut but nothing explicit, a LOT of fucking fluff mostly ngl

a/n: you're still enjoying this?? you're a mad lot, you are. in all seriousness, i'm writing like i have a new lease on life so i'm really glad so many of you are liking this as much as i am. jamie is really torn, the poor boy, but i've got 12 chapters planned in total so strap yourselves in for a slow(ish) burn <3 <3 <3

series summary: when jamie gets called up to the england team for the first time, he’s terrified. enter you, all smiles and swearing, and suddenly his only fear is falling head over boots for you.

previous chapter | series masterlist

---

chapter three - if i could hold you for a minute

“That’s a wrap, thanks boys, you were both great.”

Jamie nodded his thanks, giving his mate Rife a pat on the back that seemed to pass as a hug around here. Rife was quick to run off to the pitch behind them, getting back in on the passing drills, but Jamie hung back. Of course he did. He always fucking did, and he was getting quick sick of himself.

In the last week of being at England camp, he’d taken part in around 10 PR opportunities, all of which were open to volunteers, none of which he was obligated to do. But there were so few of them willing to take part and the smile on your face every time he hesitantly stuck his hand in the air was worth whatever embarrassment you might put him through. And, most of the time, you weren’t big on embarrassing PR moments. Mostly wholesome conversations with the team and stupid challenges that he’d found himself quite competitive with. When he won the competition to roll the 10p coin into a fork yesterday, he was buzzing.

The spelling bee had not been his finest moment, but you’d been very reassuring that people loved someone relatable, and what was more relatable than not being able to spell ‘mediterranean’?

You’d only been able to reassure him as such because he made a habit of sticking around afterwards. Asking if you needed any help taking down the camera equipment, because Tiff still hadn’t come back to work but you’d kicked Brian to the curb days ago. Now you seemed to be doing it all by yourself, and sometimes the way you rushed around made Jamie’s chest ache.

“Hey,” he said softly, gently touching you on the shoulder to get your attention. You turned from the equipment you were taking apart and boxing up, your whole expression changing for the better when you saw who was disturbing you, “Can I get that one?”

He points a thumb over his shoulder at the other camera and is rewarded for his kindness when he sees you physically sag with relief.

“Lifesaver, you are. Thank you, Jamie.”

You didn’t call him Just Jamie anymore. He missed it at first, the silly nicknames that had made you feel like fast friends, but then he’d realised that the way you said his actual name, soft and thankful a lot of the time, was better than any stupid nickname he could come up with.

“Nah, you’re good.”

He gets busy putting the camera away, following your lead as inconspicuously as possible by glancing over at your handiwork when he’s not sure where to put something. When you’re finished, he’s almost done. You come over to take the heavy case from him and he holds it out of your arm’s reach.

“As if. Lead the way, boss.”

You roll your eyes good-naturedly at him, then protest when he also snatches the box you’re carrying from you with his free hand. He tries to convince you to let him carry the third, tiny microphone box over his shoulder too, but you simply flip him the bird and lead the way to your office.

He’d carry you there, if you’d let him, because he knows the walk of a woman whose feet are hurting in her heels - Rebecca had taught him the signs. You were walking solely on the balls of your feet, trying to keep a normal rhythm but failing.

“You think Gareth will tell me off when he realises I’m using one of his star players to carry my shit around the place?”

He wants to argue that he’s not one of the star players around here, but he’s already learnt where self-deprecation gets him with you - an argument. Instead, he basks in the glow of the compliment inwardly as you open the door to your office and usher him in.

“I think he’ll wonder why the fuck nobody’s been hired to help y’ out,” Jamie says, then sees the determination in your face and course corrects, “Not that you can’t do anythin’ you set y’ mind to, of course. Sorry. Just hate seeing y’ rush about the place with your feet on fuckin’ fire.”

There’s definitely a visible wince on his face when he’s put the equipment down on the right shelves and turns to find you staring at him in disbelief.

“How do you know my feet hurt?”

“Don’t worry, I don’t think just anyone would notice,” he’s quick to reassure you, then hopes that doesn’t sound like he’s only one who notices anything about you, “It’s just that one of my mates taught me to notice when someone’s struggling on heels. Can offer her me arm then, like.”

“Hm.”

You look thoughtful, but he’s already put his foot in his mouth enough for one day. He can’t seem to stop when you’re around. Yesterday, he’d tried to ask you about your day but all he’d said was the word ‘day?’ as a question. He was still getting over that one.

Deliberately not flirting with you was getting harder and harder every time you fucking smiled at him.

“Anyway, you’re steering me off topic. I hope Tiff’s back soon,” he says sincerely, hovering by the door. Already, he feels he’s outstayed his welcome, cluttering up the place, “An’ if there’s anythin’ I can do until she’s back, then…”

Just let me know? Shout and I’ll come running? Let me convince Gareth to give you a day off so you can relax?

He doesn’t know what his intended end of the sentence was, but you nod like he finished it anyway. You’re looking at him pensively, not saying goodbye yet. Eventually, after a few moments of what looked like an internal debate, you flop into your office chair and stare up at him ruefully as you kick your shoes off.

“I’m so thoroughly fucked Jamie, you have no idea.”

There’s a thought in the back of his head that he’s supposed to be training right now, but he doesn’t even think about leaving. He won’t be able to stay long, but he’ll be damned if he leaves you when you’re pouting like that. He kicks the door closed and walks closer to your desk.

“Can’t be that bad,” he says, hoping its soothing not patronising, “Ted always says something like…a problem halved is a problem shared or somethin’. Lay it on me.”

Again, you’re looking at him pensively. He’s not sure he likes you studying him so closely, like you’re searching for something. He gives you a shrug and a smile.

“Okay, but I’m only taking two minutes of your time, I promise,” you sigh, “Really shouldn’t keep you from training with the fucking England squad for this.”

It’s the first sign of self-deprecation he’s ever seen from you. He hates it with a passion. Briefly, he wonders if this is what you feel like when he does it, if that’s why you always argue against him. Maybe if he plays this right, he can leave this conversation safe in the knowledge that the two of you have become proper friends.

“Oi. None of that, alright? If I’m not allowed, you’re fuckin’ not either,” he insists, firm as he catches your eye. You look surprised, but you nod with a small smile that he’s over the moon to see, “Good. Right. Let’s problem halve then.”

There’s a laugh on your lips that you’re keeping in and he definitely hasn’t used that expression right, he knows. Maybe part of him likes that, though, because he likes the amusement that’s creeping through the exhaustion that radiates from you.

“Gareth’s asked for Saturday to be ‘team bonding’. Something fun but also compelling, you know, pictures to get the public on side. I’m drawing a fucking blank, because I normally bounce stuff off Tiff, but now all I’ve got is a big empty office and no ideas.”

It all comes out of you in a rush. A totally new side of you he hadn’t expected to be let in on when he offered to help with the equipment, but somehow it felt like a privilege. You’d spoken every day for a week, yes, but just small talk, stupid talk that he often walked away from annoyed with himself. Still, he couldn’t have been doing too badly at trying to be your friend if you were willing to open up like this, and the thought made him proud.

Jamie still didn’t think he was very good at making friends. Maybe he could go home with a new one (if he could make himself forget how pretty you really were).

“Y’ literally couldn’t have asked a better person for this,” Jamie grinned, trying to alleviate some of the stress that had collected between your eyebrows, “Answer’s staring you in the face, you know?”

You glared at him. Okay, not the right thing to say. He hoped you’d forgive him when he pointed behind you and you turned. The back wall of your office was entirely made of glass, a window that overlooked the huge indoor swimming pool that the training complex housed. When you turned back to Jamie, you just looked confused.

“The pool?”

“Not just the pool. Pool party. Footballers go fuckin’ crazy for ‘em, trust me. Y’ can’t lose, cause you’ll get a load of pictures of us lookin’ relaxed an’ fun an’ shit. Never know, some people might enjoy the fact we’ll be half naked. Win-win.”

You nodded slowly, still thinking. The furrow in your brow was lifting. Jamie wanted to high five himself far too enthusiastically.

“I’m not one to exploit you lot for your looks…” you begin, and yeah, Jamie knows he maybe shouldn’t have added that bit. Maybe that part of him he was trying to bury wanted to fluster you, “But the rest of what you said was good. Really good.”

“It was?”

“Don’t sound so shocked, Jamie! Thought you footballers were meant to have massive egos, huh?”

He knows you’re kidding around, but even the insinuation that he didn’t have a massive ego would have made almost everyone back home laugh. A lot. He liked glimpses into what you thought of him.

“Yeah, well, I’m hidin’ it under me hat,” he joked, a shit joke that you still laughed at, “If you get us some of those floaty things too, the ones kids have at their birthdays? Fuck, do you think we could get an obstacle course?”

He hears how childish it is when he says it, feels the pink blooming across his cheeks. He’s expecting a response that he’d usually get, something kind but placating. Instead you jump up and round the desk, giddy.

“Yes! The ones with a slide at the end, you’re a genius! Thank you so much, I really mean it, I’m going to go and run it by Gareth right now,” you’re already grabbing a notebook and pen, your diary, ready to rush out of the door. He might not have found a solution so quickly if he’d known it would cut your conversation short.

“Might want your shoes, love.”

That nickname just tumbles out of him. Now his face feels like it’s gone up in flames. You don’t react, not that he can see with you rushing back to put your shoes on with a muffled thanks spoken under the desk. You’re rushing out of the door when you shout back to him.

“Find me later and I’ll sneak you an ice cream!”

He chuckles, left alone in your office. It takes him a few moments, but when he catches himself stood there grinning to himself, he’s quick to jog out and in the direction of the pitch. There’s nothing like penalty practice to take his mind off the butterflies in his stomach.

---

You were true to your word. Even though you hadn’t been able to source him any ice cream later that day, much to your own annoyance however many times he told you it was fine, you’d found him in the hotel first thing Saturday morning with a Mr Whippy.

“I snuck out to an ice cream truck to finally keep my promise,” and you look so excited, that Jamie eats his Mr Whippy at 8am in the morning and enjoys it immensely. He begins to ask what ice cream trucks nearby are operating at 8am, but you shut him down immediately.

“I think you’ll really enjoy the pool party later,” you say once you’ve both finished your ice creams, because of course you got one for yourself too. Watching you eat your ice cream so quickly made him wonder if your promise had been for him or for yourself, “Pulled out all the stops. Gareth was thrilled with the idea.”

“Yeah, he pulled me aside yesterday about it. Y’ didn’t have to give me any credit, y’ know?”

“Uh, yes I did. It was your idea, idiot.”

It hadn’t even crossed his mind at the time that you might tell anyone he’d thought of it. Gareth had been really nice about it yesterday, said something about leadership qualities that Jamie wishes Roy had been around to hear.

You rushed off again after that, but he was pleased to notice as you speed-walked away that you were wearing flats today. 

Jamie spent the rest of the morning with some of the lads he’d gotten on with best so far. Even though he’d sorted things with the City boys and spoke to them often, he was surprised to find that the ones he’d become closest to were the others from the smaller clubs in the league, lads who’d also come to camp on their own without any club teammates. Rife was one of them, even though he was West Ham, along with Pattinson, or Patty, and Gondo. The four of them would sit in Rife’s room, cause it was biggest, and just piss about really. Patty had ended up flooding the bathroom once.

After a morning spent playing Mario Kart on Gondo’s switch, which Jamie was fucking great at, even if he said so himself, the four of them made their way out of the hotel and walked over to the training complex.

“I heard it’s a pool party,” Patty said, eyes lighting up, “Hope so. Fucking class idea, that.”

Jamie could feel himself talking before he registered it.

“You know Y/N? Think she’s the one who planned the whole thing,” he supplies, watching as the three boys nod appreciatively. He hopes at least one of them will thank you for your hard work at some point during the afternoon. Rife gives him a funny look as they enter the pool, but Jamie takes no notice.

They’d clearly gotten carried away with their Grand Prix, because everything was in full swing by the time they’d gotten changed and entered the pool area. There were unicorn rubber rings that some of the boys were jumping into the water with, a huge obstacle course over to the left that people were racing on, both the team and some of the backroom staff were joining in. Jamie was amazed you’d been able to put all this together in just a few days and he was proud of himself too, for the idea. It was something he thought he might text his mum about later, so she could be proud of him too.

It didn’t take him long to spot you, likely because he was actively looking for you. You were stood by yourself over by the inflatable obstacle course, holding something on the wall, but watching the scene in front of you with a bright smile. Rife nudged him in the back of the shoulder and looked over at you.

“Fuck off,” Jamie mumbled, but he was walking over to you anyway and he knew Rife was decent enough not to say anything to the other lads and turn it into a whole thing. It wasn’t a thing anyway. He was just trying to do the right thing, like he always was nowadays, by going over to thank you for putting on such a fun time for everyone.

“Pool party, eh? Musta taken some kind of hotshot genius to come up with that one,” he says as he comes to a stop next to you against the wall. You screw your eyes shut like you’re thinking.

“Think it was just a run of the mill genius, if I remember,” you tease, and your bright smile is always blinding but he can’t help but wish it was only ever directed at him, “A run of the mill genius who is late, I might add.”

“Ah, you know it takes a lot of effort to look this good,” he says, gesturing down at his bare chest and black swim trunks. He hopes, because you didn’t know him during his prick days, that you know he isn’t being serious as he would have been a few years ago. There’s still a tiny whoosh of his heartbeat in his ears when your eyes travel down his body and back up again.

“I can only imagine,” you say, a blatant lie when you look as good as you do in your wrap dress, Richmond red this time. He’d think you were doing it on purpose if that wasn’t outlandish, “Now, go on, go and enjoy it! We’ve only got the obstacle course for three hours and no one’s been able to pry King away from it.”

Sure enough, when Jamie glances over, King is pulling Gondo over to race him because ‘no one’s ever gonna beat my record’. Even though that’s his cue to stop spending his team bonding time chatting to you, he can’t help but let his eyes drift to the air hose that you’re holding against the wall.

“Is ya arm not crampin’?”

You try and angle your body so he can’t see your arm.

“All good!”

“Excuse me language, but what the fuck are you holdin’?”

Your sigh comes out frustrated and you relent as you turn and switch arms, shaking out the other one vigorously.

“It’s the air pipe or whatever you call it. For the inflatable. It has to go through this window to the pump on the other side at this exact fucking angle otherwise it doesn’t stay inflated. Found someone with a cheaper rate and this is what I get, the little fucker.”

He has to really fight not to chuckle when you spit out the last bit, because you’re clearly enraged about this very fun pool party. However funny he finds it, however, he can tell that you won’t take any jokes well, so instead he holds up a single finger and legs it out of the pool area.

It’s only a short jog down to the dressing room, where he finds a roll of duct tape in the first locker he checks. Footballers have all sorts of uses for the stuff. He practically sprints back to you with it in his hand and the prospect of solving an issue for you has him floating through the corridors.

He enters the pool area again and knows that he’s bounding over to you like an excitable puppy.

“Hold still, yeah?” he says, more out of breath than he’d hoped, but you’re staying still because you look a stunned by his sudden exit and return. He takes the opportunity to start wrapping the duct tape around the pipe, securing it to the wall with a few small pieces, then strengthening it with a longer ones. He takes one glance at your face, far closer to his than its ever been before, and decides he shouldn’t look at you.

Not with your parted lips and sparkly eyes and-

“Right, try takin’ your hand away, if ya would?”

You do so slowly, but the pipe holds in place, same angle, the obstacle course finally self-sufficient. The sound you let out can only be described as a squeal of glee, hands clasped in front of your beaming face.

“Running out of adjectives for you, Jamie Tartt,” you say happily, reaching out to push him in what he assumes is an affectionate gesture. He’s consumed by the sparks that follow your touch, so much so that he doesn’t correct his balance in time, and the floor around the pool is wet. A startled yelp leaves him as he falls backwards into the pool, arms flailing in what he assumes is not a sexy way.

He sees you with your arms stretched out, reaching out for him with your face an absolute picture, when he surfaces, running a hand through his hair as he gasps. When he looks around, most of the team is laughing and he joins in, shaking his head at some of them who are pointing.

“Hope one of you fuckers got that on camera,” he calls out to the other side of the pool and he gets a thumbs up along with more laughs from his teammates. He turns back to you as all the laughter dies down, sees you sporting a look that’s 50% guilt and 50% amusement.

“I’m so sorry, Jamie,” you breathe out, but it’s followed by an immediate giggle that you try to cover up. If you were in a swimsuit, or a bikini, god forbid because he might actually lose it, he’d pull you right in after him. As it is, he just tamely splashes your ankles.

“I’ll getcha for that. An’ after I just helped you, too.”

You grin.

“I’ll make it up to you. Right now actually,” he sees a new mischief on your face that scares him, “Hey! Make sure you don’t get this one, alright? I fucking mean it!”

The cameraman you’re gesturing to nods and looks scared, pressing buttons on his camera. Jamie’s still looking up at you from his spot treading water in the pool, a mixture of anticipation and pure fucking awe on his face.

“It’s a pool party, right?” you grin, then jump into the pool next to him, still in your dress. The whole place cheers as you come up to the surface, laughing and flicking your hair out of your face. 

Jamie feels like all his breath has been stolen from him as he watches you try to keep the skirt of your dress from floating upwards too much. He’s totally transfixed. Can’t believe his luck when you’re looking at him again. “We’re even?”

He can’t find words, so he just nods. You swim closer to him, taking a glance on your way, at everyone else presumably to check the attention had turned elsewhere. When you’re sure it has, you whisper to him.

“I know all you’ve done since getting here is be my personal knight in shining armour, but could I ask one more favour?”

Again, no words. He wants to reach out and curl his finger into one of your wet strands of hair. Wants to dunk you under the water. Wants to kiss the living daylights out of you.

Oh fuck. He just nods again, dumbstruck

“Think you could give me a boost? I didn’t think about getting out of this pool gracefully.”

You gesture to the side of the pool. Jamie wonders if he’d died on the way over to the complex earlier and now he was in heaven.

“Uh, yeah. If you’re sure?”

“Please,” you confirm, swimming over to the side and he follows, just like he always does, watching as you brace your arms against the side. He gulps as he places two tentative hands around your waist, then tightens his grip as he pushes you upwards until you can turn and sit on the side of the pool. The hem of your dress brushes his chest in the process and he almost swallows some of the pool water.

Once you’re sat on the edge, feet dangling, he’s just a few inches away from being able to rest his head on your knees as he stares up at you. He feels like his heart is running away from him. You lean down to thank him softly before you stand up, wringing the water out of your dress as you strike up a conversation with one of the coaches on the sidelines about your recklessness.

Those fucking butterflies are fluttering up a storm in Jamie’s stomach, crowding his chest, getting in his head. Yeah, he’s found you attractive from day one, wanted to be your friend from day two. Now he’s that stupid word that Colin always uses to describe Dani when he has a new girl, but he just can’t remember it.

It comes to him when he’s staring at his bedroom ceiling late at night, thinking until he makes his head hurt. Smitten. He’s fucking smitten.

---

if you read this far, as usual, i fucking love you <3 also, this chapter is partly based on something the actual england team did before the euros a few years ago, if anyone knows what i'm on about i love you even more ahaha